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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the problem of illegal drugs can be solved by just legalising all drugs. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this.

#people #drugs
It's often argued by
people
 that the problems caused by
drugs
 can be solved by legalizing all
drugs
 . Even though it would reduce crime dealing with
drugs
 ,I
firmily
Correct your spelling
firmly
 believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages . On one hand , the significant reason why illegal
drugs
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 becoming a major concern is
due to
 the strict laws regarding
availability
Correct article usage
the availability
show examples
 of the
drugs
 . If the government
initiate
Wrong verb form
initiated
show examples
 a law that would allow
people
 to acquire
limited
Add an article
a limited
show examples
 amount of
drugs
 that would result in
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 crimes .
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 it would reduce the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
drugs
 that are bought into the
country
 illegally,
For instance
 ,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the
people
 who cross
border
Add an article
the border
show examples
 to another
country
 are trying to bring
drugs
 into the
country
 , Once the
drugs
 are available in their
country
 ,
people
 will not try to cross the border which would reduce crimes drastically .
On the other hand
 , the
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 of
drugs
 are unpredictable and it could cause a lot of harm to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society if it's easily available in the
country
 .
For example
 , young children in rural areas are addicted to smoking ganja ,
this
 is mainly because the government has permitted a limited amount to be given to the public . Even though the minimum age required to acquire
drugs
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 above 18 , young children find a way to get them and misuse
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Therefore
 it's not a good initiative to allow
drugs
 as it would have a negative effect on the young population . In conclusion , government implementing laws that would allow
people
 to buy
drugs
 in the
country
 would reduce crime and illegal
drugs
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the effect it would have on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society would be severe,
Therefore
 it is important for the authorities to not allow
drugs
 at any cost and to have strict punishment that will prevent
this
 from happening
Submitted by prakasharjun1998 on

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