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Band 4

Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way.

#people #media #sites #facebook #twitter #impact #ability #form #relationships
Nowadays, technology is
control
Wrong verb form
controlling
show examples
people
life
's, especially in their relationships with other
people
. Some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 think that social
media
 has
took
Change the verb form
taken
show examples
teenagers
Change noun form
teenagers'
teenager's
show examples
life
 and spend all their time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using their cellphones, just for searching new followers
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
twitter
Capitalize word
Twitter
show examples
,
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
, and Snapchat, and
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 their
connected
Replace the word
connection
show examples
 with real
people
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their lives.
However
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 believe that social
media
 make the
life
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers even
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly
people
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 their
life
easer
Correct your spelling
easier
show examples
, by
connected
Change the form of the verb
connecting
show examples
 with each other
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 these apps and
call
Wrong verb form
calling
show examples
 each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
 by them. I personally feel that social
media
 is not a good way to
connected
Wrong verb form
connect
show examples
 with
people
 and build relationships with
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In terms of building
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
relationships
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
media
, those
people
 they know may be dangerous,
first
Add a comma
,first
show examples
 they seem nice but after a
while
Add a comma
,while
show examples
 they blackmail them to send their pictures or their house location so they can reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them and hurt them. Social
media
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may be dangerous for
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
 and teenagers. It should be allowed for
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 are over 18 years old and
also
 put some instructions teach them how to use these apps in a good and
safety
Replace the word
safe
show examples
 way. Lots of
people
 think that social
media
 improve the connection
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
people
 and their families, but its wrong, the connected of
people
 and their families
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
better
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
meet in a place or wherever they want, because when they meet each other they will be
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
happier and feel the power of their connection. In conclusion, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 believe that social
media
 is dangerous for individuals and some of them think that the advantages of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
outweigh of disadvantages.
However
, the world would be much better if
people
 stop using social
media
.
Submitted by Sm9312934 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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