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Schools should take more responsibility for the health of today’s children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#schools #responsibility #health #today’s #children
As the expanse of
moderanisation
Correct your spelling
modernisation
modernization
 is overhauling each sphere of life, the dynamics of lifestyle have altered too. It is a controversial topic that keeping students healthy is
school's
Correct article usage
the school's
show examples
 major duty. I agree with
this
 view
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 some extent as I have some reservations
againts
Correct your spelling
against
 it as well. Let us unfurl both perspectives in forthcoming paragraphs. Tacitly,
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
the plethora
show examples
 of factors
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
predominent
Correct your spelling
predominant
 to elucidate that student's
helath
Correct your spelling
health
 is a school's responsibility. First and foremost, these days students are spending
maximum
Add an article
a maximum
show examples
 of their
time
 in
instututes
Correct your spelling
institutes
instead
 to home. To clarify, as
this
 is an era of competition every
parents
Change to a singular noun
parent
show examples
 wants their offspring to be
sucessful
Correct your spelling
successful
 and enrolled them in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of classes owing to which pupils spend their whole
time
 in studies, which results that educational institutes
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
responisble
Correct your spelling
responsible
 for their diet, development and
health
 as well. To exemplify,
Mr.
Change the punctuation
Mr
show examples
 Benjamin Bradlee, editor of the Washington
post
Capitalize word
Post
show examples
 in his editorial in 2002 clearly stated that 80% of
children
 spend their 6 am to 10 pm
time
 in
schools
,
tutions
Correct your spelling
tuitions
tuition
 and
extera
Correct your spelling
extra
cleasses
Correct your spelling
classes
 and became a complete responsibility of the institutions.
On the contrary
, even if learners spent their maximum
time
 in studies it is mother and father's duty to check their
health
 status. To elaborate, before
schools
 in early childhood,
children
 spent their all
time
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 family, whom they know and trust to share their feelings regarding every aspect they are going through, so it is
Correct article usage
the parents
show examples
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 role to check the wellbeing of their
children
 as they know their
health
 and condition better
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 their teachers. To illustrate, a survey conducted by the United States
Cencus
Correct your spelling
Census
 Bureau in 2008 in
Callifornia
Correct your spelling
California
 over a group of 2000
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 ranging from 10-15
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 clearly stated that 65% of them would like to share their feeling, situation, and their
isssues
Correct your spelling
issues
 with their
parents
 rather
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 a
starnge
Correct your spelling
strange
 person or their teachers. To
conculde
Correct your spelling
conclude
, it can be said that
although
schools
 are
respnsible
Correct your spelling
responsible
 for
children
's
health
 during their
time
 in
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
, the role of family and
parents
 is more essential in their
health
 and can not be neglected.
Submitted by smanureet on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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