Some teenegers spend hours every day playing with their smartphones. Personally, it can be a drawback for children. in Which their health and less academic understanding.

#teenegers #hours #smartphones #drawback #children #health

To begin

with,

Health

is one of the crucial things. If the

children

have good habits each day and do not spend more time with smartphones, it can have good results for their

health

therefore

make

impact

Add an article

an impact

show examples

for

Change preposition

show examples

eyes

health

become

Correct subject-verb agreement

becomes

show examples

minus and the

teenegers

Correct your spelling

teenagers

will be

a problems

Correct the article-noun agreement

a problem

problems

show examples

with their eyes, they have to accept

consequences

Correct article usage

the consequences

show examples

wearing

Change preposition

of wearing

show examples

glasses

long

Change preposition

for long

show examples

life periods.

addition

Add a comma

,addition

show examples

when they regularly play with

gadgets

they

also

get bad skin because no blue light from

gadgets

is extremely dangerous for their skin and makes the skin wrinkles.

Additionally

. They

also

focus less on academics

due to

many

children

having been influenced by

gadgets

. in which they only build

emosional

Correct your spelling

emotions

such

as not paying attention to the teacher giving advice,

thus

they ignore the environment. It only focuses on smartphones. The

children

assume playing is more interesting than seen in the other activities in school.

To sum up

. There are many advantages in daily life, especially for

children

health

and social situations, they need to be limited in using smartphones which

disturb

Correct subject-verb agreement

disturbs

show examples

all of

focus

Correct pronoun usage

their focus

show examples

in school.

Therefore

, parents must be careful of their

children

gadgets

and the parents' supposed

controls

Fix the agreement mistake

control

show examples

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

of them.

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Tue Jul 18 2023

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

199 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some teenegers spend hours every day playing with their smartphones. Personally, it can be a drawback for children. in Which their health and less academic understanding.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

In many countries are investing new technology to deal with the public. Why it is happening? Do you think it is an appropriate use of goverment money?

Nowadays there is a tendancy to relocate overseas for lucrative jobs.While a faction of people holds the notion that this movement is challanging (?)for juveniles, others argue that it is better for children.

Childood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsilbility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?