IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

people are damaging their health by buying junk food, some people believe education cannot be effective,some other think education can help, discuss both view and give your own opinion?

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In
this
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 contemporary world,
health relating
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health-related
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 issues are considered to be one of the greatest concerns of
people
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. A part of
people
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claims
Correct subject-verb agreement
claim
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 that education is not the key to solving the problem of purchasing junk
food
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,
while
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 opponents argue that education and our teaching methods will be feasible.
This
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 essay delves into these views and expresses my outlook before drawing a reasonable conclusion. On the one hand,
people
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 often declare that teaching procedures will not be practical to address the provided difficulty since there are a number of determining factors.
Firstly
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, fast
foods
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 usually are tasty and delicious, so
people
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craved
Wrong verb form
crave
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 to have them in their daily meals.
Secondly
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, nowadays both parents are working
due to
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 high
economical
Correct word choice
economic
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 pressures,
hence
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 unhealthy
foods
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such
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 as pizza and sandwiches
go
Verb problem
are
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 in high demand because of their fast preparation process.
Moreover
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, junk items always are inexpensive which leads to their popularity. A prime example is a recent study conducted by Alberta University, Canada, which reveals that Burger was the most bought fast
food
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 in Quebec City since it was the cheapest item, despite its inferior quality. On the other side, defenders admit that education is efficient to a great extent. They believe that a growing number of children are interested in junk
food
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, so if the state targeted the school children, its positive outcomes would
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
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.
Additionally
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, schools must allocate some extra curriculum lessons to pupils' learning methods because children are rarely informed about the unappealing implications of diseases like obesity or diabetes.
Consequently
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, tutors will
announce
Verb problem
inform
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 the students about the disadvantages of eating perishable
foods
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as well as
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 the advantages of healthy organic
foods
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 and homemade meals.
To sum up
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,
people
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 have divergent ideologies when they buy and consume fast
food
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.
Although
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 each group have their own justification, I personally stand on the second side. I find it effective because training has proven its impact on various occasions.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples and statistics to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points of the essay.
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