experts say that older people were happier and healthier in the past as they had more exercises and spent more time with their friends. What are the causes of this and what are the potential solutions?

In today’s society, people’s lonely
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
are increasing is a perhaps unavoidable phenomenon almost countries in
Rephrase
almost this
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
every
show examples
contemporary life. Lack of exercise
time
and economic pressure are the most prevailing ones
drive
Correct pronoun usage
that drive
show examples
a considerable number of young folks
feel
Fix the infinitive
to feel
show examples
unhappiness. Those who
new
Add a missing verb
are new
show examples
citizens in cities undoubtedly
faced
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
job competition pressure and body fitness
troube
Correct your spelling
trouble
,
make
Correct pronoun usage
which make
show examples
them most stressed. The growth of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
requires most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people requires hard work to live. Overtime has become a habit. They
are believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
that the harder they work, the better
than
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
can have an advantage over others.
However
, most people overlook the harm to their physical health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
by
Change preposition
over
show examples
overtime
Replace the word
time
show examples
.
For instance
, looking at electronic products for a long
time
can
suffer
Verb problem
affect
show examples
your eyesight, or having too little rest
time
can increase
burden
Add an article
the burden
show examples
on the heart. These are all
performance
Fix the agreement mistake
performances
show examples
of lack of sports and relaxation. Another problem is the life burden. With the development of society, the variety of jobs become more rich.
Therefore
, everybody
maybe
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
work and
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
far from home, which can make them feel loneliness. To solve these above troubles, some plausible solutions could be taken lifestyle change.
Firstly
, decrease working hours and add movement times.
For example
, jobbers have the courage to say no to overtime culture, and
resting
Wrong verb form
rest
show examples
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
eyes when half
hour
Correct article usage
an hour
show examples
of
Change preposition
off
show examples
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
.
Secondly
, encourage yourself to see friends and family more, and don’t be afraid of distance. In conclusion, I would contend that young folks are
being in
Verb problem
having
show examples
difficulties with exercise
time
and economic pressure, which makes them gradually but steadily less in their sense of happiness and physical condition.
Nevertheless
, some measures are able to ease these problems.
Submitted by cyh000823 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion could be improved to provide a clearer overview of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point is supported with relevant examples or evidence.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to make your essay more varied and precise.
grammatical range
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and clarity in your sentences.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: