IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative
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Some individuals feel that the better method to minimize
the
Correct article usage
apply
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crime
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 is to give longer jail
sentences
Use synonyms
. Others,
however
Linking Words
, think there are effective alternative methods of minimizing
crime
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. In my opinion, the efficient way to mitigate the rate of
crime
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 is longer
prison
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sentences
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 because it use to deter and
rehabilitation
Replace the word
rehabilitate
show examples
 offenders. On the one hand, some think
educate
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educating
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the
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apply
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criminals
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 is
better
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a better
the better
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 way to reduce the rate of
crime
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 rather than longer
prison
Use synonyms
sentences
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. They think
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
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criminals
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 have
low
Add an article
a low
show examples
 level of education, which means they do not know
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
negative consequences of their
crime
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 on
the
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apply
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society and
themselve
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themselves
.
A
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As
show examples
 a result , if government provide a good education for
people
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 can contribute to
teach
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teaching
show examples
people
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 about what
wrong
Add a missing verb
is wrong
show examples
 and right.
For example
Linking Words
, the school curriculum should have
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a suject
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suject
Correct your spelling
subject
 about
crime
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 in order to raise awareness among students.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I would like to agree with
thoses
Correct your spelling
those
people
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 who
beilive
Correct your spelling
believe
 the effective method to reduce the rate of
crime
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 is putting the offenders behind bars for
long
Correct article usage
a long
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perieod
Correct your spelling
periods
period
.
This
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 is because longer
prison
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sentences
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 make
criminals
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 think twice before
commit
Change the verb form
committing
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 their
crime
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, which means
deter
Wrong verb form
deterring
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criminlas
Correct your spelling
criminals
 to turn to
crime
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.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, longer
prison
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sentences
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 give
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 for
government
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the government
show examples
 to
rehabilitation
Replace the word
rehabilitate
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
felons.
For example
Linking Words
, the government can teach
the
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apply
show examples
criminals
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 vocational training.
Therefore
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, Offenders when they release can find a better jobs opportunity, which means less
crime
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 because the main reason to turn
people
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 to
crime
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 is poverty.
To sum up
Linking Words
, From my perspective, longer jail
sentences
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 is
efficient
Add an article
an efficient
show examples
 method
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 reducing
crime
Use synonyms
 because it is used to deter
people
Use synonyms
 to commit
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crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
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, and in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
prison
Add a comma
,prison
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 felons can learn useful skills to help them in
porfessional
Correct your spelling
professional
 life in order to lift them from poverty
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because poverty is the major cause of
crime
Use synonyms
 .
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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