Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, it creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nowaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
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we can travel to another country more
comfortable
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comfortably
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rather than in the past. The choices of vehicles are various and we don’t take much time to commute.
Tourism
Correct article usage
The tourism
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industry
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
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popular and many countries have
this
Linking Words
industry as the main income of the country
such
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as Thailand. Because
of
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apply
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many tourists have several cultures that may lead to some conflicts between
people
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. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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I don’t feel like it’s a problem, but it’s the
opportunities
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opportunity
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to learn new things from each other.
People
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that are from different
country
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countries
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. They have many things that differ from Thai to learn
such
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as cultures, languages, foods,
Correct word choice
and believe
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believe
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beliefs
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. For
instances
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instance
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the Japanese tourist, we all knows that their
foods
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food
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are
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is
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delicious and the decoration is amazing. Maybe we can learn how to cook
Japanese
Correct article usage
a Japanese
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meal and
also
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have new friends at the same time.
In
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On
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the other hand, we can
also
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share the foreigner our culture.
For
Linking Words
example
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example,
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we can make some Thai meals and share them to let them know how delicious it is. Or we take them to
Thai
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a Thai
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local restaurant that can help them to be known among the international tourist. Even if the tension between
people
Use synonyms
who are from different
culture
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cultures
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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could create tension and conflict,
people
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can learn from these distinct and share each other goods. I have still remembered my first time
of
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at
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Nutto. My eyes were open wide because it was the taste that I
have
Wrong verb form
had
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never tried before. Eventually, It is one of my favorite
food
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foods
show examples
. Thanks to my Japanese friend for teaching me how to eat it that day.

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task achievement
Your introduction could be clearer. Clearly state your opinion and outline your main points at the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more connecting phrases, like 'however' and 'for example', to help your writing flow better.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are unclear. Make sure to write complete sentences and check the grammar.
task achievement
You have good examples of cultural exchange, which is a strong point in your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
What to do next:
Look at other essays: