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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, it creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#tourism #industry #world #tension #people #cultures
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While
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 travelling around the world is very popular, and tends to be the largest industry. In the meantime, it has made
people
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 stress out more than their perception of multiple
cultures
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. I am the one who agrees with
this
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 statement because humans are more likely to search for a new society and they like to explore new things.
For example
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, a long time ago European
people
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 searched for a new land to immigrate and take over it.
This
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 created conflicts between natives and newcomers e.g., wars and striving.
However
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, these days the purpose of travelling has been changed.
People
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 commute to other cities for many reasons
such
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 as work travel, holidays, sports leagues, learning
cultures
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, etc. It is beneficial if all
people
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 are adept with each other well, what happens if not? The population on our planet are increasing every day, and social media are trending crazy. New content neither travelling, eating, nor shopping abroad are in trend. When those
people
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 travel without learning and understanding others, the hosts can suffer with many trippers because of the multiple
cultures
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. As is the case in Japan, Japanese
people
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 face too many foreigners who can not communicate in the same language. It takes too much time to understand each other. Evoke some restaurants put a sign “NO ENGLISH” in front of their store. They had a hard time dealing with different languages and
cultures
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. In conclusion, it is not only the Japanese who have to deal with multiple
cultures
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 from the trippers nowadays. Most are the same, the tourism industry hit everyone.
This
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 is why I agree that culture shock increases stress more than culture perception.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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task achievement
Ensure the topic sentence is clear and the main argument is explicitly stated.
task achievement
Work on providing more detailed examples that are directly relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Try to ensure logical connections between paragraphs and ideas throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repetition of certain words or ideas, and strive for varied language use.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear standpoint on the topic of international tourism.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay.
task achievement
There is a reasonable attempt to support arguments with examples, such as the reference to Japanese culture.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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