Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, it creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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In
this
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modern era, it is easier to get in touch with one another from
other
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another country
other countries
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country
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which can build
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cultural awareness than over the
last
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10 years. People can use social media technology
such
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as Facebook, Twitter,
Youtube
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YouTube
show examples
,
Tiktok
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TikTok
show examples
, or even an open-chat
in game
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in-game
show examples
to communicate with a stranger that you do not know each other before.
However
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, for the Tourism Industry which
recommend
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recommends
show examples
people
to
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apply
show examples
gain
first
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first-hand
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hand
Use synonyms
experience rather than the information on screen that might not be completely true. In
this
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regard, I think it
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is quiet
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quiet
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quite
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hard for them to adapt themselves
with
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to
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the new
tradition
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,
not to mention
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about language or food, but the real atmosphere you will gain when you
travel
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are travelling
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do
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does
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not
make
Verb problem
cause
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any
serius
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serious
trouble
problem
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problems
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, but
excited
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excitement
show examples
to the tourist, I
believed
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believe
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. People in each
country
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have their own cultures and
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tradition
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traditions
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which
Correct word choice
and
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they share the same memorable historical activity together. To be honest, it
seem
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seems
show examples
like
in
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apply
show examples
some
nation
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nations
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were already mix up
Use synonyms
Add an article
the tradition
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tradition
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traditions
show examples
in
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at
show examples
some point because of immigration in the past or
live
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living
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in
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on
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
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same continent.
Thus
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, tourists might not think these
culture
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cultures
show examples
were
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are
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completely new
for
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to
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them and become something that they
familiar
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are familiar
show examples
with. Even
thought
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though
show examples
, they can gain a
second
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second-hand
show examples
hand
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experience
before
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apply
show examples
when they
were
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are
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planning for their trip.
On the other
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hand
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, it is
posible
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possible
if tourists
paln
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plan
for
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to
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travel to some
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country
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countries
show examples
that
far
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are far
show examples
away from you
such
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as from Europe to South Asia. If they
not
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do not
did not
show examples
prepare and study hard enough
while
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they planning, they may have a
culure
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culture
shock. I understand whether that
sitution
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situation
will cause
your
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you
show examples
tension, but at
first,
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when you travel around, I do believe that
this
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feeling will not
along with
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them
Correct pronoun usage
you
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so
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for so
show examples
long. In fact, when the
tourits
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tourists
saw the culture and
tradition
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on the smartphone screen and television that were
display
Wrong verb form
displayed
show examples
an amazing culture that maybe they
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
not even realize it
be
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is
show examples
exist
Wrong verb form
existed
show examples
. They so looking forward to
see
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seeing
show examples
spectacular
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the spectacular
a spectacular
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thing
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things
show examples
before visiting and it might be the same as you imagine or it might not be but at least they understand what they going to see. To
be conclude
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conclude
show examples
, I think it nothing new
for
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in
show examples
this
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technology era, you can search for everything in order to get as
as
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apply
show examples
much as possible data about the
country
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you plan
for travelling
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to travel
show examples
.
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to.
show examples
Therefore
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, it will not be a big surprise for
those traveller
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that traveller
those travellers
show examples
because you can receive a
second
Add a hyphen
second-hand
show examples
hand
Use synonyms
experience.
Besided
Correct your spelling
Besides
,
instead
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of stress, they
shold
Correct your spelling
should
be
exited
Correct your spelling
excited
show examples
about the different cultures.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the clarity in your arguments by better organizing your paragraphs with distinct main ideas. Each paragraph should focus on a single concept related to the overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use clearer topic sentences at the start of each paragraph. This helps the reader immediately understand what each paragraph will discuss.
task achievement
Be careful with spelling and grammatical inaccuracies as they can sometimes obscure your meaning. For example, check words like 'quiet' (should be 'quite') and 'serius' (should be 'serious').
task achievement
Add more specific examples or case studies to support your claims. This would enhance the relevance and depth of your response and make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion needs clearer summarization of your main points. It should succinctly restate your thesis and the significance of your argument regarding tourism and cultural understanding.
task achievement
You demonstrate a good attempt to discuss both sides of the argument regarding tourism and cultural exchange, which is commendable.
task achievement
It's clear that you have a genuine interest in the topic, which comes through in your writing. Your personal insights about cultural awareness are valuable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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