IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, it creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, it is easier to get in touch with one another from
other
Change the wording
another country
other countries
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country
Use synonyms
 which can build
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cultural awareness than over the
last
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 10 years. People can use social media technology
such
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 as Facebook, Twitter,
Youtube
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YouTube
show examples
,
Tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
show examples
, or even an open-chat
in game
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in-game
show examples
 to communicate with a stranger that you do not know each other before.
However
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, for the Tourism Industry which
recommend
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recommends
show examples
 people
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
gain
first
Add a hyphen
first-hand
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hand
Use synonyms
 experience rather than the information on screen that might not be completely true. In
this
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 regard, I think it
Add a missing verb
is quiet
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quiet
Correct your spelling
quite
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 hard for them to adapt themselves
with
Change preposition
to
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 the new
tradition
Use synonyms
,
not to mention
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 about language or food, but the real atmosphere you will gain when you
travel
Wrong verb form
are travelling
show examples
do
Change the verb form
does
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 not
make
Verb problem
cause
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 any
serius
Correct your spelling
serious
 trouble
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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, but
excited
Replace the word
excitement
show examples
 to the tourist, I
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
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. People in each
country
Use synonyms
 have their own cultures and
Use synonyms
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
which
Correct word choice
and
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 they share the same memorable historical activity together. To be honest, it
seem
Change the verb form
seems
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 like
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
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 were already mix up
Use synonyms
Add an article
the tradition
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tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
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 some point because of immigration in the past or
live
Wrong verb form
living
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
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 same continent.
Thus
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, tourists might not think these
culture
Change the determiner
cultures
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were
Wrong verb form
are
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 completely new
for
Change preposition
to
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 them and become something that they
familiar
Add a missing verb
are familiar
show examples
 with. Even
thought
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
, they can gain a
second
Add a hyphen
second-hand
show examples
hand
Use synonyms
 experience
before
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apply
show examples
when they
were
Wrong verb form
are
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 planning for their trip.
On the other
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hand
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, it is
posible
Correct your spelling
possible
 if tourists
paln
Correct your spelling
plan
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 travel to some
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 that
far
Add a missing verb
are far
show examples
 away from you
such
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 as from Europe to South Asia. If they
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
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 prepare and study hard enough
while
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 they planning, they may have a
culure
Correct your spelling
culture
 shock. I understand whether that
sitution
Correct your spelling
situation
 will cause
your
Correct pronoun usage
you
show examples
 tension, but at
first,
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when you travel around, I do believe that
this
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 feeling will not
along with
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them
Correct pronoun usage
you
show examples
so
Change preposition
for so
show examples
 long. In fact, when the
tourits
Correct your spelling
tourists
 saw the culture and
tradition
Use synonyms
 on the smartphone screen and television that were
display
Wrong verb form
displayed
show examples
 an amazing culture that maybe they
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not even realize it
be
Change the verb form
is
show examples
exist
Wrong verb form
existed
show examples
. They so looking forward to
see
Change the verb form
seeing
show examples
spectacular
Add an article
the spectacular
a spectacular
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thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 before visiting and it might be the same as you imagine or it might not be but at least they understand what they going to see. To
be conclude
Change the verb form
conclude
show examples
, I think it nothing new
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
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 technology era, you can search for everything in order to get as
as
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
much as possible data about the
country
Use synonyms
 you plan
for travelling
Change preposition
to travel
show examples
.
Change preposition
to.
show examples
Therefore
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, it will not be a big surprise for
those traveller
Change the determiner
that traveller
those travellers
show examples
 because you can receive a
second
Add a hyphen
second-hand
show examples
hand
Use synonyms
 experience.
Besided
Correct your spelling
Besides
,
instead
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 of stress, they
shold
Correct your spelling
should
 be
exited
Correct your spelling
excited
show examples
 about the different cultures.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the clarity in your arguments by better organizing your paragraphs with distinct main ideas. Each paragraph should focus on a single concept related to the overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use clearer topic sentences at the start of each paragraph. This helps the reader immediately understand what each paragraph will discuss.
task achievement
Be careful with spelling and grammatical inaccuracies as they can sometimes obscure your meaning. For example, check words like 'quiet' (should be 'quite') and 'serius' (should be 'serious').
task achievement
Add more specific examples or case studies to support your claims. This would enhance the relevance and depth of your response and make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion needs clearer summarization of your main points. It should succinctly restate your thesis and the significance of your argument regarding tourism and cultural understanding.
task achievement
You demonstrate a good attempt to discuss both sides of the argument regarding tourism and cultural exchange, which is commendable.
task achievement
It's clear that you have a genuine interest in the topic, which comes through in your writing. Your personal insights about cultural awareness are valuable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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