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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Scientists say that junk food is harmful to people’s health. Some say the way to ask people to eat less fast food is to educate them, while others say education does not work. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

It is irrefutable that
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 is harmful to
people
Use synonyms
’s health. It contains a lot of fats and salts which are detrimental to health.
Therefore
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 say that
people
Use synonyms
 should be educated and made aware of its harmful effects.
However
Linking Words
, others opine that education does not help in making
people
Use synonyms
 eat less
junk
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food
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. In the following
paragraphs
Add a comma
,paragraphs
show examples
 I intend to discuss both issues and
finally
Linking Words
 give my opinion. Some opine that educating
people
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 about the harmful effects of
junk
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food
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 can help in reducing its use. The fact is that
people
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 don’t actually know what goes
in
Change preposition
on in
show examples
 the making of fast
food
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. Fast
foods
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 are high in calories and low in nutrition. These
foods
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 are rich in harmful substances
such
Linking Words
 as fat, salt, and sugar. Preservatives are
also
Linking Words
 added
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
junk
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food
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. All these things can cause heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
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, cancer, diabetes, and obesity. Obesity is one of the major problems in the world today. It is very important to reduce eating
Junk
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Use synonyms
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy life. So, if
people
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 are warned about their bad effects, they would eat less of it.
This
Linking Words
 can be done with the help of media
such
Linking Words
 as TV which is ubiquitous nowadays.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
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 some believe that educating
people
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 won’t help because
junk
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food
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 is very cheap, tasty and readily available. After a hectic
days
Change noun form
day's
show examples
 work no one is in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 mood to spend time in the kitchen and so
junk
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food
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 is very convenient. It is
also
Linking Words
 not very expensive and children love it. What is more, fast
food
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 outlets spend a lot to lure
people
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 with their ads
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 What
people
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 don’t realize is that the celebs they use in these ads hardly ever eat
such
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food
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 themselves and if they do,
then
Linking Words
 they
also
Linking Words
 spend hours working out in the gym every day. After considering the convenience of fast
foods
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, I believe that educating
people
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 would not help. It would be better if these fast
food
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 outlets were educated about making fast
food
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 healthier. Strict rules should be laid down against using trans-fatty acids and saturated fats. Whole wheat
breads
Change the wording
bread
pieces of bread
loaves of bread
slices of bread
show examples
 could be used
instead
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 of white
breads
Change the wording
bread
pieces of bread
loaves of bread
slices of bread
show examples
.
Use
Correct article usage
The use
show examples
 of preservatives should be lessened and juices should be served
along with
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such
Linking Words
foods
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instead
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 of carbonated drinks. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that, fast
food
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 is harmful but still
people
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 eat it.
Therefore
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, educating
people
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 would not help. Measures should be taken to improve the fast
food
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. After all, all fast
food
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 is not bad.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health
  • eat
  • food
  • junk
  • fast
  • habit
  • learn
  • teach
  • education
  • idea
  • change
  • risk
  • money
  • price
  • cost
  • policy
  • shop
  • home
  • school
  • family
  • ads
  • taste
  • delicious
  • time
  • life
  • work
  • choice
  • decision
  • support
  • help
  • limit
  • ban
  • tax
  • rule
  • habit
  • and
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