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Band 4.5

Scientists say that junk food is harmful to people’s health. Some say the way to ask people to eat less fast food is to educate them, while others say education does not work. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#scientists #junk #food #people’s #health #say #people #education #work
It is irrefutable that
junk
food
 is harmful to
people
’s health. It contains a lot of fats and salts which are detrimental to health.
Therefore
 some
people
 say that
people
 should be educated and made aware of its harmful effects.
However
, others opine that education does not help in making
people
 eat less
junk
food
. In the following
paragraphs
Add a comma
,paragraphs
show examples
 I intend to discuss both issues and
finally
 give my opinion. Some opine that educating
people
 about the harmful effects of
junk
food
 can help in reducing its use. The fact is that
people
 don’t actually know what goes
in
Change preposition
on in
show examples
 the making of fast
food
. Fast
foods
 are high in calories and low in nutrition. These
foods
 are rich in harmful substances
such
 as fat, salt, and sugar. Preservatives are
also
 added
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
junk
food
. All these things can cause heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
, cancer, diabetes, and obesity. Obesity is one of the major problems in the world today. It is very important to reduce eating
Junk
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy life. So, if
people
 are warned about their bad effects, they would eat less of it.
This
 can be done with the help of media
such
 as TV which is ubiquitous nowadays.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 some believe that educating
people
 won’t help because
junk
food
 is very cheap, tasty and readily available. After a hectic
days
Change noun form
day's
show examples
 work no one is in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 mood to spend time in the kitchen and so
junk
food
 is very convenient. It is
also
 not very expensive and children love it. What is more, fast
food
 outlets spend a lot to lure
people
 with their ads
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 What
people
 don’t realize is that the celebs they use in these ads hardly ever eat
such
food
 themselves and if they do,
then
 they
also
 spend hours working out in the gym every day. After considering the convenience of fast
foods
, I believe that educating
people
 would not help. It would be better if these fast
food
 outlets were educated about making fast
food
 healthier. Strict rules should be laid down against using trans-fatty acids and saturated fats. Whole wheat
breads
Change the wording
bread
pieces of bread
loaves of bread
slices of bread
show examples
 could be used
instead
 of white
breads
Change the wording
bread
pieces of bread
loaves of bread
slices of bread
show examples
.
Use
Correct article usage
The use
show examples
 of preservatives should be lessened and juices should be served
along with
such
foods
instead
 of carbonated drinks. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that, fast
food
 is harmful but still
people
 eat it.
Therefore
, educating
people
 would not help. Measures should be taken to improve the fast
food
. After all, all fast
food
 is not bad.
Submitted by zahraasmi2001 on

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When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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