IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#universities #numbers #students
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In many countries, they lay more emphasis on gender equality, and many experts opine that all kinds of educational institutions ought to allow a similar amount of men and women pupils in every kind of subject. I totally agree with the given statement
due to
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 particular reasons
as well
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as
Correct word choice
and
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 the following expository paragraphs will expatiate both stances with lucid examples.
Firstly
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, the first and foremost reason why it's crucial is that the majority of scientists have approved that the class, which is male and female students number equal, is prone to get more achievement than others. It means that it is paramount for their future and will help to overcome the obstacles. Enormous big country
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities such
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 as Harvard, Oxford, and Cambridge, follow
this
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 trend
due to
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 unprecedented outcomes
such
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 as
it assists
Wrong verb form
assisting
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 countries' well-being and extinct negative impacts on the socio-economic.
Secondly
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, dividing numbers equally is not only increasing their university's honour but
also
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 many of them, at least, will follow the obligations of their school. In contemporary society, in which technological development is enhancing at light speed, the most noteworthy influence is the contribution of their students.
In addition
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, many people believe that it
can
Verb problem
is
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 possible to see the nation's city evolution
through
Change preposition
at
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where
Rephrase
apply
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the
universities
Fix the agreement mistake
university
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 level. In conclusion, if all countries' authorities include
this
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 system in their region
as well as
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 continents, the implications will be bigger than you imagine.
Therefore
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 it is obvious that five or ten years from now, every school and
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also
Rephrase
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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university will
be changed
Wrong verb form
change
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 their structure.
Submitted by Zolboo on

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Task response
Task response should be improved by addressing both sides of the argument and providing a balanced view. In addition, provide a more thorough analysis of the given statement.
Coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion should be enhanced by organizing the essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences and supporting details. Additionally, use linking words to connect ideas and create a more cohesive structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
What to do next:
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