IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #countries #people #work #move #friends #families #development
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Around the world, because of a lack of money and unemployment, civilians need to leave their closest persons and search for new jobs in another
country
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 problem. On the one hand, many countries have problems with joblessness; a hundred families can not find money for food or that money is not enough to make a comfortable life.
Consequently
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, these people decide to move to another
country
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 with good economic, and where anyone can find a job. They can move with whole family members, after can give children a good education, adults can work at a well-paid job.
For instance
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, in the recreation areas in the UAE, most part of the workers are immigrants who come from different countries, including Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Pakistan and so on. On the other, hand, the most popular drawback of working in another
country
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, you can not arrive in your hometown for a
while
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, or you cannot get documents to work and stay in the exact
country
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.
In addition
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,
this
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 type of problem may bring to never back tour
country
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 or deportation.
For instance
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, from my experience, I met a driver in Dubai, who worked as a guide, and he hadn’t been in Pakistan for five years.
Also
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, sometimes it is hard to adapt to new conditions. You might not know the language, don’t have an apartment and have some trouble with cash for the first time.
To sum up
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, working in another
country
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 can give a person new experiences, new jobs, and amazing possibilities for their family. But, at the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 it has some obstacles, like the language barrier.
Submitted by IELTS nis on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support the main points more thoroughly. For instance, mention the specific ways education and job opportunities improve life quality.
coherence cohesion
Streamline the essay’s structure by ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single idea. This will help improve the logical flow and coherence.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of moving to another country for work.
coherence cohesion
The language used is generally clear and effective in communicating ideas.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples which help to illustrate the points being made.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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