IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

people are damaging their health by buying junk food, some people believe education cannot be effective,some other think education can help, discuss both view and give your own opinion?

#people #health #junk #food #education
Nowadays the majority of
people
 have injured themselves with unhealthy foods. Some
people
 strongly believe that they could help those communities with
education
.
However
, some societies disagree with that statement. Implementing
education
 must be handled by supporting humans along the process.
Firstly
, providing that I need to mention regarding organizing an
education
 system for humans in need is the most beneficial movement to do. As much as we want to enlighten those
people
 about how they are slowly murdering themselves, some of them will not attend or even though the information that we give to those communities in assistance would prefer that path. ,
Also
 there is an old saying that, ‘the pen is mightier than the sword’. In brief, we cannot obligate those societies, owing to
this
 process being based on voluntariness.
Secondly
 to speak related to not systemizing with schooling opinion is agreed by some
people
.
Nonetheless
 implementing
education
 might not be the only solution. Being there for all progress could be much more helpful.
Moreover
, just learning may not be useful and tutelage is not always a solution. In conclusion, one of the problems of our age is consuming fast food. From my point of view communities
likewise
 to eat junk food ought to be developed with
education
. Most humans who would like to dwell a long and healthy life are an educated population.
Submitted by muratulun on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: