IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that to protect local culture, tourism should be banned in some areas whereas others think that change is inevitable and banning tourism will have no benefits. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Tourism
Use synonyms
 has become increasingly popular all over the world . Some individuals assume that travel should be prohibited in certain areas to protect the local culture ,
while
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 others believe that change is inevitable and banning
people
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 from exploring the world will bring no gains . I am of the latter view. In
this
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 essay , I will look at both sides of the argument and
also
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 give my perspective. On the one hand , some
people
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 think that banning
tourism
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 can assist in saving the culture in ample ways .
Firstly
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 ,
tourism
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 has caused numerous environmental crises.The increasing amount of littering in public places causes contamination which is not only injurious to humans but
also
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 puts aquatic life in danger.
Moreover
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, vacationers
also
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 affect historical buildings and monuments.
For instance
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 ,in 2023, in Pakistan , lake Saif-ul-ma look was closed
due to
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 the bad-mannered activities of the tourists . Turning to the other side of the argument, some
people
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 opine that restricting tourists from exploration will cause problems .The economy of a country is directly related to its
tourism
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 industry if
tourism
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 is banned the financial strength of the country will decrease.
For example
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, Maldives earn 75% of their economy from the
tourism
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 sector which helps them in other portions .
Furthermore
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, it will cause a lack of social interaction between
people
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 because in public places individuals come from different sites and spend memorable days .
Tourism
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 has a unique ability to unite the society. All things considered, some
people
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 think that banning
tourism
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 will help to protect the culture and others oppose it . I personally believe that banning
tourism
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 will cause more problems than benefits because if the economy of a country is strong it will become a developed nation .

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the prompt, discussing both sides of the argument and providing your opinion. However, to strengthen your task response, you could provide more relevant specific examples and develop your ideas further.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly from one idea to the next. You can use a wider range of linking words and phrases to aid this. Additionally, some sentences could be more concise to enhance readability.
general
There are minor grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasings that could be improved. Review your work to ensure clarity and precision in your language.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure with a strong introduction and conclusion. The main points are clearly stated and well organized.
task achievement
You successfully provide a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, which effectively addresses the task prompt.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and help to illustrate your points, although they could be more specific and detailed.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • influx of tourists
  • dilute local customs
  • commercialization
  • loss of native languages
  • economic benefits
  • revenue source
  • responsible tourism
  • cultural sensitivity
  • regulated tourist limits
  • cultural heritage
  • globalization
  • case study
  • ‘High Value, Low Impact’ tourism
  • controlled tourism
  • middle-ground solution
  • infrastructure development
  • significant revenue source
  • employment generation
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