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Band 6.5

Parents of obese children should be punished for making them fat. Do you agree or disagree?

#parents #children
It is argued that
parents
 are the culprit for their
children
’s obesity and they should be punished.
This
 essay agrees with
this
 statement because
parents
 are the role model to shape their
children
’s healthy lifestyles and they are responsible to nurture their loved ones by staying fit to boost their confidence level. The most convincing reason for holding to my viewpoint is that
parents
 are the main core for their
children
 to build up their healthy lifestyle from a young.
For instance
, offspring are not capable of managing their diet as they love eating food which is enriched with unhealthy ingredients. It is of paramount importance that the
parents
 should educate their loved ones to be able to control their diet by choosing the right amount of healthy food
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and practising regular physical exercises in their daily routine. Another factor to support my opinion is that being in the perfect body shape can definitely fit into society is inevitable.
For example
, a study by the international health community shows that the person having the correct amount of healthy intake and carrying out regular physical exercises outperform effectively at work, especially the cognitive thinking abilities of those who do not possess healthy lifestyles. It is necessary for
parents
 to guide their
children
 to build up their confidence level by staying fit. In conclusion,
parents
 are the main role to control their
children
's daily diet to avoid obesity. Shaping and guiding the
children
's lifestyle in a healthy stage and having strong mental to stay fit with an optimised confidence level is the definite responsible of the parent.
Submitted by ryanmaw.07 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • genetics
  • socio-economic status
  • nutritional education
  • physical activity programs
  • adverse effects
  • mental health issues
  • responsibility sharing
  • implementation
  • privileged families
  • supportive environment
  • lifestyle changes
  • educational campaigns
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