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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below describes the number of employees and factories in England and Wales from 1851 to 1901. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below describes the number of employees and factories in England and Wales from 1851 to 1901. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table illustrates the quantity of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employees
Use synonyms
 and
factories
Use synonyms
 in England and Wales in 50 years and
employees
Use synonyms
 have broken down into two groups
according to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gender.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
employees
Use synonyms
 have reported in 1851
although
Linking Words
 they have the least amount of
factories
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 year, male
workers
Use synonyms
 are almost 280000 which is 100000 more than female
employees
Use synonyms
 in that year.
However
Linking Words
, after a decade there were two new
factories
Use synonyms
 have opened and
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of both male and female
workers
Use synonyms
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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reduced rapidly
while
Linking Words
total
Change the article
a total
the total
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
employees
Use synonyms
 was nearly half than
previous
Change the article
the previous
show examples
deacade
Correct your spelling
decade
decades
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
factories
Use synonyms
 have commenced rapidly and
withine
Correct your spelling
within
 two decades all
factories
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 England and Wales were 721
although
Linking Words
 the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
employees
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
dicreased
Correct your spelling
decreased
increased
 gradually
Change preposition
by nearly126000
show examples
nearly126000
Correct your spelling
nearly 126000
. In the
last
Linking Words
 20 years, the
factories
Use synonyms
 have closed and in 1901
factories
Use synonyms
 were 600 . The least
number
Use synonyms
 of
employees
Use synonyms
 have reported in these years
while
Linking Words
 female and male
workers
Use synonyms
 are working
similarly
Linking Words
 in
this
Linking Words
 decade. When studying
this
Linking Words
 table, we can understand there are
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
 in England and Wales
although
Linking Words
 they have a lot of
factories
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to, although, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words employees, factories, number, workers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 2 times.
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