IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people today find it difficult to balance the demands of their work and personal life. What are the causes of this situation, and what can individuals and employers do to reduce the problem? You should give reasons for your answer, and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience.

In recent years, the issue of the find it difficult to sense of
balance
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 between
life
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 and
work
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 has emerged as a matter of significant concern to the general public.
While
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 some individuals maintain that the problem of imbalance between
life
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 and
work
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 happens
due to
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 working hours are increasing, I contend that many
people
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 still can’t manage their
time
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.
This
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 essay aims to provide a comprehensive analysis of these differing viewpoints. On the one hand, it is essential to
recognize
Change the spelling
recognise
show examples
 that individuals should acknowledge the significant advantages associated with working
time
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 increasing day by day,
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 many
people
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work
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 overtime
leading
Punctuation problem
, leading
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 to a lack of
time
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 to take a rest and relax. A crucial
to
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apply
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consideration is that the development of technology increases the working needs of many
people
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, forcing them to
work
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 anywhere and anytime if their boss needs them, which highlights that they are always checking their email or chat box all the
time
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 to respond to information their boss needs about
work
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 and projects.
In addition
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, another important point to
emphasize
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emphasise
show examples
 is that they fear losing the opportunity for career advantages.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that they do not
work
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 hard, they will lose the opportunity for promotion at
work
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, or even become unemployed.
On the other hand
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, it is crucial to consider the opposing viewpoint that they lack
time
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 management skills. A significant factor to explore is that many
people
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 just spend more
time
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for
Change preposition
at
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work
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 than
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life
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in life
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, which underscores that they choose to spend all day working but not taking
time
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 for
life
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, relaxation, and rest.
Furthermore
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, it is essential to highlight that they do not have clear goals for both
work
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 and
life
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.
This
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 assertion is supported by the fact that they just
work
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 out of habit without any clear plan.
Finally
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, the way
solve
Verb problem
to solve
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 the problem of
work
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-
life
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balance
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 is that many
people
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 need to plan their days, know how to spend more
time
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 resting and relaxing. Especially, set clear goals to avoid going in the wrong direction. In conclusion, an analysis of the differing perspectives on
difficulty
Correct article usage
the difficulty
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 of
balance
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 between
life
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 and
work
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 highlights
many
Correct word choice
that many
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people
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prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
show examples
work
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 over
life
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 because of the long hours they
work
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 many
people
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 have not learned how to manage their
time
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 properly. Ultimately,
it is clear that
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 the increasing amount of working
time
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 makes many
people
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 forget the
balance
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 between
work
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 and
life
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.
This
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 examination prompts individuals to thoughtfully consider their preferences and the experiences that influence their enjoyment.

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Task Response
Be clear at the start about your view. State the main idea in one line and keep it, then add how to fix it. This helps task response.
Task Response
Add concrete steps for both people and firms. For example, plans, time rules, and show how these plans work in real life.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to join ideas. Use words like 'and', 'but', 'also', 'however', 'as a result' to show how ideas are linked.
Coherence and cohesion
Put ideas in order. Start with cause, then effect, then fix. Use proper paragraph use.
content
Your topic is clear and you discuss both sides.
organization
You touch on real causes like long work hours and tech.
development
You offer some plan ideas to fix the problem.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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