The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrests.

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The data presented in the graphs illustrate the percentage of arrests made based on reasons and gender in the five years ending 1994.

Overall

Linking Words

males

Use synonyms

are getting arrested more than

females

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, with public drinking as the first place for arrest reason for both sexes. In five years, more men are arrested than

females

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, with 32 per cent of

males

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whereas

Linking Words

only 9 per cent of women are seized. People apprehended for drinking in public are mostly

females

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, with a percentage above 35%. For

males

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, they have public drinking leading the reason, with drunk driving

Change preposition

apply

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the second place.

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

is not the case for women, who have assault as the second highest.

Although

Linking Words

females

Use synonyms

have the highest percentage of arrests

due to

Linking Words

drinking in public, other motives

such

Linking Words

as drunk driving, breach of an order, assault, theft, other reason, and no answer did not exceed 20%, whilst a little above 25% of the

males

Use synonyms

are arrested

as a consequence

Linking Words

of driving when drunk. In comparison, men always led in percentages of recent arrests,

while

Linking Words

ladies only exceeded in public drinking, assault, and

no answer

Add a hyphen

no-answer

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sections.

Submitted by twiggseducationbdg on Fri Jul 21 2023

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Vocabulary: Replace the words males, females with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

186 words

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The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrests.

Some people think that the goverment is responsible for crime prevention. Others think that it is individuals responsibility to pretocet themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Smoking should be banned in public places because it not only harms the smokers, but also those who are nearby. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More and more people use private motorbikes or cars instead of taking public transport. What are the reasons for this trend? How can the government encourage people to take public transport? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development?