IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrests.

The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrests.
#percentage #persons #five #years #bar #arrests
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Pie graphs demonstrate the
percentages
Use synonyms
 of males and females arrested until 1994 in five years period and the bar graph
illustrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrates
show examples
 the actual
reason
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them. The portion of men, which got arrested, was bigger than women. And the main
reason
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 arrest is public drinking for everybody.
Firstly
Linking Words
, 32
Use synonyms
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of males
caught
Add a missing verb
were caught
show examples
 by police. And
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 for nearly 5
Use synonyms
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of them were not known. Some of the reasons had nearly
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
percentages
Use synonyms
 between 15 and 20. These are The Breach order, assault, theft and other
reason
Use synonyms
. The second main
reason
Use synonyms
 for men is
drink
Replace the word
drunk
show examples
 driving. And
Use synonyms
percentages
Correct article usage
the percentages
show examples
 of it were approximately 26.
Linking Words
Last
Correct article usage
The last
show examples
 one was public drinking with 31
Use synonyms
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, 9
Use synonyms
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of women
arrested
Add a missing verb
were arrested
show examples
 in 5 years. Nearly 7
Use synonyms
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of them had
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 clear
reason
Use synonyms
. Approximately between 10 and 15
Use synonyms
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 there are 2 reasons: Breach of order and theft, And nearly 5
Use synonyms
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 above them were other
Use synonyms
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 and assault.
The public
Correct article usage
Public
show examples
 drinking took nearly 38
Use synonyms
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
.
Submitted by aliguluhajiyev on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentages, reason with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 11 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 5 times.
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