IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this case? Do you think this is a negative or a positive development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
Recently, the number of custodians using their smartphones has dramatically increased. There is an ongoing discussion among their guardians
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
this
 is a healthy phenomenon or not. I am a staunch believer that spending much
time
 on these new technological
devices
 is
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of
time
, and can
also
 lead to harmful effects on the health of these children. To embark on, a lot of today’s generations have become addicted to social media. They prefer spending their leisure
time
 playing video games, or even chatting with their friends online to doing any other activity. To illustrate, a plethora of youths have become obsessed with notifications most of the day, and
this
 of course has led to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge increase in the number of hours spent on new technological
devices
.
This
 has normally resulted in the
withdraw
Replace the word
withdrawal
show examples
 from other activities like doing exercises, biking or even going for a walk. An eminent example of
this
 is Kuwait where teenagers need someone to convince them to leave their smartphones and participate in an outdoor activity.
Thus
, it can be noticed that children’s addiction
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
devices
 is increasing just for entertainment purposes.
Furthermore
, the change
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the way of spending free
time
 among today’s generations from active to passive has
its
Change the word
a
show examples
 harmful effect not only on their health
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 on their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
This
 means that wasting
time
 scrolling down the
devices
 leads to deleterious consequences. It is noticed in Saudi Arabia,
for example
, that a large number of juveniles wear glasses because they have problems with their eyes like eye
drought
Fix the agreement mistake
droughts
show examples
.
Therefore
, smartphones and other new
devices
 can be considered a negative development.
After
this
 essay has manifested the points mentioned above, it can be reiterated that social media and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 have led to a decrease in the productivity of youths. I believe that awareness campaigns should be launched and more restrictions should be imposed to lessen the harmful consequences of new technology.
Submitted by teacherdina on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: