The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010.

The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010.
The pie charts compare the proportion of online sales across different retail sectors in Canada in two different years.
Overall
, The percentage of Electronics & Appliance and Home Furnishings decreased,
however
, the opposite was true for
demand
Add an article
the demand
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Video Games and Food &
Beverage
Fix the agreement mistake
beverages
show examples
. In 2005, Electronics & Appliance items
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
the most bought online
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
for 35 %,
however
, after 5 years, its percentage witnessed a considerable drop of 5 per cent. During the same five-year period, the demand for Food & Beverage significantly jump from more than a fifth in 2005 to over 30% in 2010, eventually
overtook
Wrong verb form
overtaking
show examples
Electronics & Appliance rate to be the highest. In the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2005, the Home Furnishings industry boasted an impressive 25% of the total online sales in Canada.
However
, after 5 years, the figures dropped significantly to 15%. The least preferred sector in 2005 was Video Games which made up 18%,
however
, in 2010, it surpassed sales of Home Furnishings,
although
represented only 23%
Submitted by boocheapofficial on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail sectors
  • online shopping sales
  • significant growth/decline
  • consumer behavior
  • market trends
  • economic factors
  • technological advancements
  • sales percentages
  • emerged
  • evolution
  • notable
  • constancies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: