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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In most parts of the world, people are living longer. What are the possible causes of this situation? Is this a negative or positive development?

#parts #world #people #situation #development
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It is certainly true today around the world, individuals are living longer than before. There are several reasons why the life expectancy of humans
increase
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 including,
advancements
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 in
medical
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the medical
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 field,
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people
Correct word choice
and people
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 become adopt
healthy
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a healthy
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lifestyle
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lifestyles
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,
howover
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however
, I believe
this
Linking Words
a
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is a
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negative trend because it leads to
increase
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 poverty, and it put a
strian
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strain
 a natural
resoruces
Correct your spelling
resources
resource
. On the one hand, the primary reason why
people
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 live longer is
advancements
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 in
medical
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the medical
show examples
 field. To illustrate, thanks to
advancements
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 in medicine , there are many drugs was discovered to cure serious diseases namely, cancer, and heart attack.
In contrast
Linking Words
, in
pervious
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previous
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 generations
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,
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people
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 who struggled with these diseases can die within
short
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a short
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 period.
People
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 adopt
healthy
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a healthy
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 lifestyle is another reason why the life expectancy
increase
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.
This
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 is because
people
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 today become more aware
about
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of
show examples
 their health than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
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 in recent
time
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times
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 eat healthy food, and
praticipate
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participate
 in playing sports, which these factors contribute to
make
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making
show examples
people
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 live longer than ever.
On the other hand
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, I believe
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increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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life expectancy is considered a negative development.
To begin
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 with,
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increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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the
Change preposition
in the
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 population means competition
in
Change preposition
for
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 jobs will
increase
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 among applicants.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the rate of
povery
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poverty
 and crime among
people
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 will
increase
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.
Furthermore
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, more inhabitants
in
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on
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 the earth mean more pressure
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 natural
resoruces
Correct your spelling
resources
 namely, food, and water.
As a result
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, in future will face
shortage
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a shortage
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in
Change preposition
of
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 food and water .
This
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 is because the natural
resoruce
Correct your spelling
resource
resources
 cannot meet the demand of
dramatic
Correct article usage
the dramatic
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 growth of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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.
To sum up
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, There are different causes why
people
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 are living longer than before
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
advancements
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 in healthcare ,
individuals
Correct word choice
and individuals
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adopt
Wrong verb form
adopting
show examples
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
,
howover
Correct your spelling
however
, I believe
this
Linking Words
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 detrimental trend because it leads to
rate
Add an article
a rate
show examples
 of poverty and crime , and it put
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pressure a natural
resoruces
Correct your spelling
resources
resource
.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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