IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that students should learn science subjects at schools while others believe that other subjects like history is also beneficial for them Discuss both view

#people #students #science #subjects #schools #history
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It is concerning by some people that students should study
science
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subjects
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 at schools,
while
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 there are others who think it is essential for them to learn other
subjects
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 as well.
While
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science
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subjects
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 can bring some enormous advantages to learners, I strongly believe that the importance of the others to be more concentrated . On the one hand, students who can acquire
science
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subjects
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 are often referred to as smart ones.
This
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 stems from the fact that these fields supply pupils with logical thinking and problem-solving skills.
For instance
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, most famous businessmen are recorded
to specialize
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as specializing
show examples
 in these
subjects
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 when they were under their schools' rooftops.
On the other hand
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, only learning
science
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 things is inadequate for each individual's development because only other
subjects
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 like history can broaden their knowledge about society. For that reason, their EQ and social interaction are enhanced considerably through letters of history, and literature,...
This
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 can exemplified by one of my cousins, he is a bookworm but only Maths books because his mom put that pressure on him. My cousin now is one of the best Maths learners in my city but his mindset is quite strange and he lost the ability to communicate with other people. In conclusion,
although
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 learning
science
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subjects
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 significantly improves youngsters' critical thinking, it is necessary for them to study other fields as well, in order not to miss the chance to boost their society understanding.
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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that your main points are fully developed and supported with relevant examples. For instance, you mentioned that science subjects help develop logical thinking and problem-solving skills, but providing specific examples or elaborating on how this translates into real-world benefits could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Make sure your essay addresses both views in a balanced manner. In your essay, the benefits of other subjects like history are mentioned but could be expanded upon to provide a more comprehensive response to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the coherence between your ideas. Use linking words and phrases to connect your points more effectively. For example, instead of jumping from the advantages of science to an example about your cousin, you could introduce a transition sentence that bridges these points more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Although you have an introduction and conclusion, the conclusion could be more robust by summarizing the key points discussed in both body paragraphs rather than reiterating a general statement. This reinforces your argument and leaves a stronger impression on the reader.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in presenting your ideas in an organized manner.
task achievement
You have provided examples to support your points, such as the famous businessmen and your cousin's story, which makes your arguments more relatable and concrete.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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