IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not trael abroad on holiday. Agree or disagree?

#future #people #holiday #country #trael
In the coming
years
Add a comma
,years
show examples
 majority of individuals will select their nations as a
travel
 destination rather than taking a trip
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other nations.In my opinion,I totally agree with
this
 statement.In
this
 essay, I will discuss a number of reasons why that will be the case. Travelling within
ones
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
 border is cheaper.One of the main reasons why travelling within
ones
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
 state is less costly
due
Add a missing verb
is due
show examples
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 amounts saved on expenses related to transportation.
For instance
,in Kenya,one of the hottest
tourists
Fix the agreement mistake
tourist
show examples
 destinations-Mombasa costs about $10 dollars when the traveller takes a bus.
This
also
 offers the comfort
Correct word choice
and convinience
show examples
convinience
Correct your spelling
convenience
 to see different landscapes and areas along the way from the comfort of your bus window.
As a result
,the
pocket friendliness
Add a hyphen
pocket-friendliness
show examples
 of breaks internally will be a major factor in influencing future trip
takers
Change noun form
takers'
taker's
show examples
 decision to party within their surroundings. Travelling in the periphery of
ones
Change noun form
one's
show examples
 own territory doesn't require obtaining vacation visas.The acquisition of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
travel
 documents
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
oftentimes involves
strenous
Correct your spelling
strenuous
 and stressful processes.
Furthermore
,they might end
causing
Change preposition
up causing
show examples
 double frustration where you pay your money for the legal immigration papers and your application
rejected
Add a missing verb
is rejected
show examples
.Enjoying
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
 festivity in
ones
Fix the agreement mistake
one
show examples
motherlamd
Correct your spelling
motherland
therefore
 saves one from
this
 tiresome and might a
a
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
reason for individuals who love to explore other regions to choose to
travel
 with their
country
. Journeys on recess within a
person'sboundary
Correct your spelling
person boundary
also
keeps
Correct subject-verb agreement
keep
show examples
 the circulation of currency in their realm.
This
 benefits
ones
Change noun form
one's
show examples
 own
country
 as they get generate income in local tourism and
therefore
contributing
Wrong verb form
contribute
show examples
 the economic growth.With
this
 in mind,in the coming years,many
travel
Change to a plural noun
travels
show examples
 enjoys will opt for
domostic
Correct your spelling
domestic
 partying rather than going international.
Lastly
, trips around
ones
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
 boundary
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
people
 appreciate the beauty of their own
country
.When
people
 traverse the vast land of their state,they will realise how much misinformed they were when they were going outside their regions for celebrations.
This
 discovery will make
people
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be more patriotic and loyal to their
country
 and look at their area from a different perspective.
Thus
,
this
 outlook will in the subsequent years make international sites less interesting and internal
ones
 more favourable. In conclusion,
it is clear that
 in the times ahead local holidaying will be a thing considered by many individuals because of its undeniable advantage over travelling overseas.
Due to
 its cheap nature,the
non requirement
Add a hyphen
non-requirement
show examples
 of stringent procedures,the circulation of money in the economy and the appreciation for
ones
Change noun form
one's
show examples
country
's
natuaral
Correct your spelling
natural
 resources,overseas countries have to brace themselves for less influx of
people
 on holiday in their
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
.Given that,I strongly recommend that
people
 give priority to their own
country
 when considering a place to have a vacation in.
Submitted by mohamedyaqub90 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: