Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subject, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

#say #music #art #drama #school #level

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

It is argued that subjects

Correct quantifier usage

such as

show examples

music, art and drama must be considered as other topics

Change preposition

show examples

elementary schools. I completely disagree with

this

Linking Words

notion because children in

this

Linking Words

age must learn

necessary

Correct article usage

the necessary

show examples

know-how.

Subject

Change the noun form

Subjects

show examples

like music, drama and art are not as substantial as other fields. Pupils in

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

educational

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

must learn basic

skills

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as maths,

literiture

Correct your spelling

literature

and

sciense

Correct your spelling

science

. Learning how to play musical

insrtuments

Correct your spelling

instruments

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

usually hard and challenging so it would be definitely better and

achieveable

Correct your spelling

achievable

to learn these kinds of

skills

Use synonyms

for adolescents and young people. Despite basic

skills

Use synonyms

being important,

decision makers

Add a hyphen

decision-makers

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

educational

Add an article

the educational

an educational

show examples

system should put other activities on students'

schedual

Correct your spelling

schedule

. Spending a huge amount of time on activities

Correct quantifier usage

such as

show examples

art, music or drama would not be vital.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, only the least amount of time in elementary

schoolers

Change noun form

schoolers'

schooler's

show examples

curriculum is enough.

Although

Linking Words

these fields lead to boosting creativity in these groups, just once or twice in

thier

Correct your spelling

their

time-table

Correct your spelling

timetable

show examples

will be

astounishing

Correct your spelling

astonishing

However

Linking Words

, these individuals who want to learn cultural topics like these

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

will be able to follow their interests in higher levels of education. At universities or

colleges

Add a comma

,colleges

show examples

they have the

abilities

Fix the agreement mistake

ability

show examples

to get these

skills

Use synonyms

briskly and

spceificly

Correct your spelling

specifically

specific

. In conclusion,

studing

Correct your spelling

studying

matters for being an

amatour

Correct your spelling

amateur

actor,

artisit

Correct your spelling

artist

or a musician is not necessary in the first years of education,

in addition

Linking Words

, every-single child must study more important lessons.

Submitted by darkred6171 on Fri Jul 21 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

228 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. You are planning to go and study English at a school overseas. You would like some information about their courses. Write a letter to the school. In your letter •ask about the school •say what kind of accommodation you want •mention any special requests you have (for example diet). Write at least 150 words.
My name is Simi and my native language is Hindi and Punjabi as I am from India. I am writing this letter in regard to inquire some information about your school as I am planning to take English courses in your school.
6
band
In many countries, the level of crimes is increasing and crimes are becoming more violent. What are the main cause? How can we deal with?
In modern times, the rate of committing crime is reported to seriously increase in many developing nations. Moreover, there is a rising popularity in the violent level of criminal activities, which poses a severe threat to communities. The primary reasons for this situation partly stem from extravagant lifestyles in metropolises coupled with people’s resistance. However, it can be addressed by the government organizing defensive programs in society.
5.5
band
Some people believe that men and woman are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are not suitable for woman. What’s your opinion?
Over the last century the debates about gender equality have been becoming more and more common. Some societies support an idea of both sexes having the same rights, while others separate the kinds of jobs females and males can take in a very radical manner. There are a few key factors influencing the approach here: such as country, culture or religion.
5.5
band
Some people believe that the government spend too much money on wildlife protection projects and the money should be used for other things. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, almost any country with developed economy has a reserved place in its budget for foreign aid. There can be many reasons for that. One government has a humanitarian desire to help people living under difficult conditions in poorer countries, another wants to obtain a strong political connection. However, negative effects of helping other countries sometimes can outweigh positive ones.
6.5
band
Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others. However, argue that circumstances of an individual crime and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account. Discuss both side and give your opinion.
There appears to be a lack of consensus on the type of punishment for criminals committing the same offence. While some people argue that all offenders should be imposed the same punishments without caring about their motivations and situations, others, myself included, believe they should be considered in punishing them. In the following essay, I will explain both views in more detail.

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subject, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

In many countries, the level of crimes is increasing and crimes are becoming more violent. What are the main cause? How can we deal with?

Some people believe that men and woman are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are not suitable for woman. What’s your opinion?

Some people believe that the government spend too much money on wildlife protection projects and the money should be used for other things. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others. However, argue that circumstances of an individual crime and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account. Discuss both side and give your opinion.