Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subject, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

#say #music #art #drama #school #level

It is argued that subjects

Correct quantifier usage

such as

show examples

music, art and drama must be considered as other topics

Change preposition

show examples

elementary schools. I completely disagree with

this

notion because children in

this

age must learn

necessary

Correct article usage

the necessary

show examples

know-how.

Subject

Change the noun form

Subjects

show examples

like music, drama and art are not as substantial as other fields. Pupils in

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

educational

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

must learn basic

skills

such

as maths,

literiture

Correct your spelling

literature

and

sciense

Correct your spelling

science

. Learning how to play musical

insrtuments

Correct your spelling

instruments

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

usually hard and challenging so it would be definitely better and

achieveable

Correct your spelling

achievable

to learn these kinds of

skills

for adolescents and young people. Despite basic

skills

being important,

decision makers

Add a hyphen

decision-makers

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

educational

Add an article

the educational

an educational

show examples

system should put other activities on students'

schedual

Correct your spelling

schedule

. Spending a huge amount of time on activities

Correct quantifier usage

such as

show examples

art, music or drama would not be vital.

Furthermore

, only the least amount of time in elementary

schoolers

Change noun form

schoolers'

schooler's

show examples

curriculum is enough.

Although

these fields lead to boosting creativity in these groups, just once or twice in

thier

Correct your spelling

their

time-table

Correct your spelling

timetable

show examples

will be

astounishing

Correct your spelling

astonishing

However

, these individuals who want to learn cultural topics like these

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

will be able to follow their interests in higher levels of education. At universities or

colleges

Add a comma

,colleges

show examples

they have the

abilities

Fix the agreement mistake

ability

show examples

to get these

skills

briskly and

spceificly

Correct your spelling

specifically

specific

. In conclusion,

studing

Correct your spelling

studying

matters for being an

amatour

Correct your spelling

amateur

actor,

artisit

Correct your spelling

artist

or a musician is not necessary in the first years of education,

in addition

, every-single child must study more important lessons.

Submitted by darkred6171 on Fri Jul 21 2023

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

228 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subject, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

percentage of population riding bicycles in one town by age group

A university education is the key to getting a good job. For that reason, the government should provide enough money to the universities so everyone can get a degree for free. To what extent do you agree?

Many parents are unhappy with the amount of violence in video games, TV programs and other leisure activities. How harmful could this be to children? What could be done to solve this problem?

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Some people say that the increasing business and cultural contact between countries is a positive development, while others think that many countries will lose their national identities as a result. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.