IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people today find it difficult to balance the demands of their work and personal life. What are the causes of this situation, and what can individuals and employers do to reduce the problem? You should give reasons for your answer, and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#people #balance #demands #work #life #situation #individuals #employers
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It is argued that
people
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 tend to choose well-paid
jobs
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. But someone
find
Change the verb form
finds
show examples
 it too hard to stabilize the
require
Replace the word
requirements
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 of their job and private
life
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.
This
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 may lead to many
difference
Replace the word
different
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situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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 in the
daily-
Correct your spelling
daily life
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life
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.
Thus
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 there are a lot of
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 that individuals or white-collar
jobs
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 can do to decrease the issues.
To begin
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 with, the serious problem is the increased workload that many
people
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 have to deal with.
Initially
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, the more amount of
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, the more stress workers have suffered. Recently, office-related
jobs
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 expect to stay longer and be available outside traditional working hours. Not only the convenience of
fixed
Correct article usage
a fixed
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time
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 period but
also
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 the long-term of the
work
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.
Furthermore
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, the rise of communication tools has accelerated the trend jump significantly in various fields of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
Hence
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people
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 are always contactable.
Moreover
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, the labour market
increasing
Change the word
increasingly
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 competitive to avoid economic recession and unemployment
rate
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rates
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.
For
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this
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 reason, workers are under pressure as the volume of
work
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 too much.
As a result
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, some employees feel fear
loss
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of loss
show examples
 of promotion or redundancy if they resist.
For instance
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,
people
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Use synonyms
work
Correct pronoun usage
who work
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 in
office
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offices
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 that have competitive always
work
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 at 100% they can so they often control the balance between personal
life
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 and
work
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.
On the other hand
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, there are a lot of solutions that white-collar
jobs
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 can apply to have a better
life
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. To commence with, employers should clarify with their employees the
time
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.
Therefore
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, learning management skills is quite important for each
people
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. When they
are expect
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are expected
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 to be free of
work
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 and out of contact, they must ensure private
time
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 and have some trips to relax.
However
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, teenage now
priority
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prioritise
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 flexible
time
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 because they can change their
time
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 flex.
In addition
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,
people
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 ought to offer advice and coach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
staff in areas. One
clearly
Change the word
clear
show examples
 example is more and more
people
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 go to the techniques to ask for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advice and most of them are stress control and relaxation techniques. In conclusion,
balance
Wrong verb form
balancing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 and personal
life
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 is very important
due to
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 the amount of
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and
people
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 don’t know how to manage their
time
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. To get a high salary workers have to
work
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 hard.
However
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, they should care about their health.
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Lastly
Add a comma
,Lastly
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 there have many
solution
Change to a plural noun
solutions
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 to reduce
this
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 problem like
manage
Change the verb form
managing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
,
control
Wrong verb form
controlling
show examples
 the stress
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • increased connectivity
  • always on
  • cost of living
  • flexibility
  • cultural norms
  • well-being
  • time management
  • prioritize
  • boundaries
  • remote working
  • mental health days
  • vacation days
  • after-hours communication
  • employee assistance programs (EAPs)
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