IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think the main purpose of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather than to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #purpose #school #children #citizens #workers #benefit #individuals
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Many individuals consider that the primary role of
school
Add an article
the school
a school
show examples
 is teaching children to become versatile labourers
instead
 of gaining advantages for individuals. It is the opinion of
this
 writer that it is better to develop children’s personalities in the educational environment. It is vital to understand that educating children to become good people is one of the most crucial purposes.
Due to
 the fact that in new curriculums some subjects changed to option to reduce specialized knowledge and concentrating on improving personality.
As a consequence
, these students will have comprehensive growth in many aspects without any standards.
Therefore
, it motivates them to grow themselves, especially reaching lots of successful achievements in various fields, especially in studies and work. Another key component of the case for education is in the interests of students of higher ability. It should be self-evident that not only academic subjects but
also
 different fields are necessary for teenagers in other to contribute to their countries. To cite an instance, many Vietnamese teenagers study their history and show their understanding of nations
also
 people in here to introduce culture and tradition to people around the world. It must be noted that more and more inspirational persons have a big impact on the young generation in various means to promote the growth of states.
Thus
, it can be seen that educational institutes play a fundamental role in the community to help pupils improve themselves.
Therefore
, it should have been demonstrated that concentrating on individualism is necessary for their progress.

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introduction conclusion
Ensure the introduction clearly states your position on the topic. It should succinctly mention both sides of the argument before presenting your viewpoint.
supported main points
Develop each main point with more detailed explanations and concrete examples. This makes your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
clear comprehensive ideas
Proofread your work for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Clear and accurate language is crucial for better understanding.
task response
The essay addresses the prompt effectively by discussing both the importance of developing children's personalities and the role of education in preparing future workers.
logical structure
The essay is organized into paragraphs that deal with different aspects of the argument, which contributes to a logical structure.
clear comprehensive ideas
The language used demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and an attempt to use more complex sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial
  • shaping
  • developing
  • unique talents
  • potential
  • well-rounded
  • academic
  • social
  • emotional development
  • personal growth
  • contribute positively
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • individuality
  • happier and more fulfilled
  • strike a balance
  • preparing students for the workforce
  • nurturing
  • individual needs
  • pursue passions and interests
  • thrive
  • future professionals
  • community institutions
  • shape community values
  • foster civic engagement
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