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Band 5

Although parents are responsible for raising a child, outside influence plays a key role in their development. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#parents #child #influence #role #development
As the expanse of modernisation overhauls each sphere of life, the dynamics of upbringing have altered too. A section of
society
 vehemently deems that family is completely accountable for their child’s
development
,
whereas
 others believe that community
also
 plays
major
Add an article
a major
show examples
 role in
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 f children. I evenly concur with both
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
, let us unfurl both in subsequent paragraphs. Basically, there are a plethora of factors which evident that parents are
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 of every child and have
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 influence on their growth. First and foremost,
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
show examples
 and
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
show examples
 want to give accurate and significant knowledge to their offspring which they start from
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 young age by teaching them. To elaborate, a child
learn
Correct subject-verb agreement
learns
show examples
 how to speak, act, and respond to any situation
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 their family members before going outside
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because when a little
one
initiate
Correct subject-verb agreement
initiates
show examples
 to interact with
society
, people want them to behave in a manner which they learnt at home. To exemplify, a survey conducted by the United States Census Bureau in 2008 in California over a group
200
Change preposition
of 200
show examples
 parents revealed that 90% of youngsters behave in
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 what they learnt from their families and
this
 plays a vital role in their future. On the other side, there are several skills that
one
 can only learn from the public. Primarily, skills like
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
, cooperation, adjustment, and
way
Add an article
a way
the way
show examples
 to solve a situation can only be learned when
one
 starts to participate in
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
. To dig deeper,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
home
Add a comma
,home
show examples
 everyone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 comfortable environment in which their parents
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and siblings are present to help out
all
Change preposition
with all
show examples
 kind of issues,
whereas
 in public
one
 have to face own problems and solve them without any help which is a significant aspect of
development
 to be
problem
Add an article
a problem
show examples
 solver.
Also
, outside of
Add an article
the house
show examples
house
Add a comma
,house
show examples
 a child learns to be confident, and attentive to all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of reactions. To illustrate, Sir Sigmund Freud, an eminent psychologist in his study of human behaviour and cognitive skills, asserted that
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 growth starts from their home but
continue
Correct subject-verb agreement
continues
show examples
 and
finish
Correct subject-verb agreement
finishes
show examples
 in
society
.
To conclude
, it can be said that
although
mother
Correct article usage
the mother
show examples
 and father are the main
person
Change the noun form
people
show examples
 responsible for their heir
development
, the role of
society
 is
also
 vital and cannot be neglected.
Submitted by smanureet on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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