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Band 3.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
There is no doubt that these days we can see many
yougsters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 using
smartphones
 everywhere and spending
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
time
 . The question is , some people think that
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
time
 on
smartphones
 is beneficial
while
 others think
that is
 drawbacks spend
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 on
smartphones
 many times. In
this
 essay , I am going to discuss both
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 and drawbacks and draw my own conclusion. In terms of advantages technology plays in the whole
worlds
Fix the agreement mistake
world
show examples
 in 2023
children
 using their device
becuse
Correct your spelling
because
 several reasons the device contains programs ,
Correct your spelling
video
viedo
Correct your spelling
videos
 to learn, These programs and
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
 support our
children
 in future in
this
 case
parents
 have to
restrictions
Replace the word
restrict
show examples
 their
children
 to spend 5 hours
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a day . The main reason given to support
this
 claim is that youngsters may
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 much
time
 on
smartphones
Correct your spelling
but
show examples
bu
Correct your spelling
but
show examples
 if we consider that they will use
Correct pronoun usage
them for
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
increase
Change the verb form
increasing
show examples
 their knowledge, skills and experience
However
, if there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
Add an article
a restriction
show examples
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
show examples
 from
parents
 our
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 will keep
spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
 more
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing games or social media .
In other words
 , youngsters are addicted
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
smartphones
 they need more attention from their
parents
 . In conclusion,
although
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of
children
 like playing video games and enjoying spending
time
 on their
smartphones
,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
children
 prefer learning a new language ,
spending
Correct word choice
and spending
show examples
time
to learn
Change the verb form
learning
show examples
a new skills
Correct the article-noun agreement
new skills
a new skill
show examples
 under their
parents
therefore
 I think that using
smartphones
 doesn’t mean disadvantages just need to learn how it is useful to
children
.
Submitted by luhana.chii on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
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