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Band 6.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
Many
people
 believe that
music
 is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 excellent path to unify
people
 from diverse traditions and generations. I strongly concur with
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 view because
music
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 no language limitation, and
music
concerts
 join the public together. First and foremost,
people
 can enjoy songs
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other languages as there are no barriers
in
Change preposition
to
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music
.
This
 is because
people
 listen to
music
 to refresh their minds and to clear up their souls, for
this
 they do not have to understand the meaning of the
song
.
For example
, Despacito, a famous Spanish
song
, which has 6 billion views on Youtube, is the
highest viewed
Add a hyphen
highest-viewed
show examples
song
 ever.
nevertheless
, the fact is the number of
people
 who can speak and realize Spanish is less than 1 billion. The
song
 was trending for a long time in
non-hispanic
Change the capitalization
non-Hispanic
show examples
 regions like Asia and Eastern Europe.
Therefore
, It is evident that
music
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the ability to unite
people
 worldwide regardless of their languages.
Secondly
,
music
 shows and
concerts
 have been a successful technique to join diverse
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of
people
. Any
music
 enthusiast can attend
concerts
 with other
people
 who have similar
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
music
.
For instance
,
Taylor
Correct article usage
the Taylor
show examples
Swift
Change noun form
Swift's
show examples
 concert in Miami in 2022, has
hold
Change the verb form
held
show examples
 the record
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 attendance of 200,000
people
.
Furthermore
,
people
 from different countries
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
attended the show
as well as
 individuals from teenagers to adults.
Hence
,
music
 shows and
concerts
 can tie up
people
 from contrasting cultures and eras. In conclusion,
music
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been a popular medium to connect
people
 since ancient times. Individuals from various cultures can enjoy
music
 as there are no restrictions
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 language.
Moreover
, singing shows can gather
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
enormous
mass
Fix the agreement mistake
masses
show examples
 from numerous lifestyles and age groups. For these reasons, I firmly agree that
music
 is a great method to link
people
 from distinct cultures and ages.
Submitted by tah7sin on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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