Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages

Many

people

believe that

music

Change the article

show examples

excellent path to unify

people

from diverse traditions and generations. I strongly concur with

the

Correct determiner usage

this

show examples

view because

music

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

no language limitation, and

music

concerts

join the public together. First and foremost,

people

can enjoy songs

Change preposition

show examples

other languages as there are no barriers

Change preposition

show examples

music

This

is because

people

listen to

music

to refresh their minds and to clear up their souls, for

this

they do not have to understand the meaning of the

song

For example

, Despacito, a famous Spanish

song

, which has 6 billion views on Youtube, is the

highest viewed

Add a hyphen

highest-viewed

show examples

song

ever.

nevertheless

, the fact is the number of

people

who can speak and realize Spanish is less than 1 billion. The

song

was trending for a long time in

non-hispanic

Change the capitalization

non-Hispanic

show examples

regions like Asia and Eastern Europe.

Therefore

, It is evident that

music

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

the ability to unite

people

worldwide regardless of their languages.

Secondly

music

shows and

concerts

have been a successful technique to join diverse

group

Fix the agreement mistake

groups

show examples

people

. Any

music

enthusiast can attend

concerts

with other

people

who have similar

interest

Fix the agreement mistake

interests

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

music

For instance

Taylor

Correct article usage

the Taylor

show examples

Swift

Change noun form

Swift's

show examples

concert in Miami in 2022, has

hold

Change the verb form

held

show examples

the record

Change preposition

for

show examples

highest

Correct article usage

the highest

show examples

attendance of 200,000

people

Furthermore

people

from different countries

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

attended the show

as well as

individuals from teenagers to adults.

Hence

music

shows and

concerts

can tie up

people

from contrasting cultures and eras. In conclusion,

music

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

been a popular medium to connect

people

since ancient times. Individuals from various cultures can enjoy

music

as there are no restrictions

Change preposition

show examples

language.

Moreover

, singing shows can gather

Change preposition

apply

show examples

enormous

mass

Fix the agreement mistake

masses

show examples

from numerous lifestyles and age groups. For these reasons, I firmly agree that

music

is a great method to link

people

from distinct cultures and ages.

Submitted by tah7sin on Sun Jul 23 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS writing?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

298 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problem. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
There is a statement that the production of sweet products consisting of a lot of sugar should be reduced by food and drink companies because it can generate serious problems for health status. Moreover, those products must be improved to have high prices so that the citizens will avoid using more sugar for their meals. I strongly agree that less sugar in dairy products will decrease the number of diabetics, one of the most critical disease-sharing human deaths, even though it will be hard for them to apply as soon as possible because of their culture and economy.
4
band
The topic of renewable energy is widely discussed these days. What are the main reasons behind the increasing use of renewable energy sources, and is this trend a positive or negative development for the environment?
Belonging the qucik development of teachnology, people use more and more energy these days. No matter transportation, home or workplace, the use of energy is needed. For example, when we take the tram, the lighting, the air cnditioner even the tram itself, both need to use energry. To maintain our life quality, we need to maintain the engry supply. And now, more and more people are discussing using renewable engry rather than tranditional unrenewable ergry, which is prodcued by oil.
6.5
band
Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. Others believe that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Some people believe that progress is achieved by taking risks and chances. While others believe that success comes from better and careful planning. From my own experiences and observations, I believe that better results come from careful planning. In this essay, I will give my reasons to support my answer.
5.5
band
Some people believe that unpaid company services should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
A plethora of individuals think that volunteering should be obligatory for the school curriculum. This essay completely agrees with this statement, because thus, children will learn crucial things like why helping is so important. Moreover, it will give them an advance when it comes to a future job or university.
8
band
More and more countries have a problem with plastic waste, polluting the countryside and oceans. What problems does it cause? How can these problems be solved?
In this contemporary epoch, plastic usage is increasing at an alarming rate and its deleterious effects have become a controversial argument. Whilst some proponents claim that elastic material is considered a beneficial invention. some opponents and I hold a diverse stance. In this essay, the detrimental outcomes along with the possible solutions will be further explained.

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problem. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

The topic of renewable energy is widely discussed these days. What are the main reasons behind the increasing use of renewable energy sources, and is this trend a positive or negative development for the environment?

Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. Others believe that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Some people believe that unpaid company services should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More and more countries have a problem with plastic waste, polluting the countryside and oceans. What problems does it cause? How can these problems be solved?