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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
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Many
people
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 believe that
music
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 is
a
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an
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 excellent path to unify
people
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 from diverse traditions and generations. I strongly concur with
the
Correct determiner usage
this
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 view because
music
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have
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has
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 no language limitation, and
music
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concerts
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 join the public together. First and foremost,
people
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 can enjoy songs
of
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in
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 other languages as there are no barriers
in
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to
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music
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.
This
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 is because
people
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 listen to
music
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 to refresh their minds and to clear up their souls, for
this
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 they do not have to understand the meaning of the
song
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.
For example
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, Despacito, a famous Spanish
song
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, which has 6 billion views on Youtube, is the
highest viewed
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highest-viewed
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song
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 ever.
nevertheless
Linking Words
, the fact is the number of
people
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 who can speak and realize Spanish is less than 1 billion. The
song
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 was trending for a long time in
non-hispanic
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non-Hispanic
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 regions like Asia and Eastern Europe.
Therefore
Linking Words
, It is evident that
music
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have
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has
show examples
 the ability to unite
people
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 worldwide regardless of their languages.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
music
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 shows and
concerts
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 have been a successful technique to join diverse
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 of
people
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. Any
music
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 enthusiast can attend
concerts
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 with other
people
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 who have similar
interest
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interests
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on
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in
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music
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.
For instance
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,
Taylor
Correct article usage
the Taylor
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Swift
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Swift's
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 concert in Miami in 2022, has
hold
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held
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 the record
of
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for
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highest
Correct article usage
the highest
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 attendance of 200,000
people
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
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 from different countries
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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attended the show
as well as
Linking Words
 individuals from teenagers to adults.
Hence
Linking Words
,
music
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 shows and
concerts
Use synonyms
 can tie up
people
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 from contrasting cultures and eras. In conclusion,
music
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have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been a popular medium to connect
people
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 since ancient times. Individuals from various cultures can enjoy
music
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 as there are no restrictions
in
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on
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 language.
Moreover
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, singing shows can gather
up
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apply
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enormous
mass
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masses
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 from numerous lifestyles and age groups. For these reasons, I firmly agree that
music
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 is a great method to link
people
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 from distinct cultures and ages.
Submitted by tah7sin on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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