IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

All people in a company should be treated equally and provided with the same amount of vacation in a year. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #company #amount #vacation #year
Considering how much time we spend at work, it is important to take into account how we can feel comfortable during the duration of work.
While
 some people believe that fair treatments within the reach of worker are necessary so as to make them satisfied
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
company
,
this
 essay will explain why I partially disagree with
this
 view on the basis that it can make uneven consequences. 
To begin
 with the positives, a crucial advantage for employees to be treated equally is that it would breed no resentment.
This
 is because 
discriminations
Fix the agreement mistake
discrimination
show examples
 based on gender and age can be reduced if
company
incooporate
Correct your spelling
incorporate
incorporated
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 policy to treat their staff without any
unfair
Replace the word
unfairness
show examples
. In terms of the benefits which can be resulted from
prividing
Correct your spelling
providing
 each
workers
Change to a singular noun
worker
show examples
 with the same amount of holidays, one is that there is no concern
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 overworking.
Although
 it is true that there are some people who lost their life because of the
lask
Correct your spelling
lack
show examples
 of rest and sleep,
such
 cases can be avoided by forcing all
workers
 to have
appropriate
Add an article
the appropriate
an appropriate
show examples
 amount of holidays.
On the other hand
, it is important to acknowledge that wages should continue to be provided differently for each
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
 as it never happens that all
workers
 have exactly the same role in a
company
.
For instance
, if two
workers
 have different tasks and one of them is much harder than the other,
whereas
 the financial reward is the same, the worker who does
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 difficult job may feel undervalued,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
thus
 curtailing self-value.
Consequently
, they might not enjoy their job satisfaction and perform poorly, negatively affecting not only the employee but
also
 the
company
 itself. In conclusion,
although
 fair treatment is vital to
dinimish
Correct your spelling
diminish
 cases of
descrimination
Correct your spelling
discrimination
 and
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
 of overworking,
workers
 should be
differenciated
Correct your spelling
differentiated
 through their wages to be appreciated
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 work.
Submitted by lisa_smile_2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: