IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

All people in a company should be treated equally and provided with the same amount of vacation in a year. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #company #amount #vacation #year
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Considering how much time we spend at work, it is important to take into account how we can feel comfortable during the duration of work.
While
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 some people believe that fair treatments within the reach of worker are necessary so as to make them satisfied
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
company
Use synonyms
,
this
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 essay will explain why I partially disagree with
this
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 view on the basis that it can make uneven consequences. 
To begin
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 with the positives, a crucial advantage for employees to be treated equally is that it would breed no resentment.
This
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 is because 
discriminations
Fix the agreement mistake
discrimination
show examples
 based on gender and age can be reduced if
company
Use synonyms
incooporate
Correct your spelling
incorporate
incorporated
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 policy to treat their staff without any
unfair
Replace the word
unfairness
show examples
. In terms of the benefits which can be resulted from
prividing
Correct your spelling
providing
 each
Use synonyms
workers
Change to a singular noun
worker
show examples
 with the same amount of holidays, one is that there is no concern
of
Change preposition
about
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 overworking.
Although
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 it is true that there are some people who lost their life because of the
lask
Correct your spelling
lack
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 of rest and sleep,
such
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 cases can be avoided by forcing all
workers
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 to have
appropriate
Add an article
the appropriate
an appropriate
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 amount of holidays.
On the other hand
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, it is important to acknowledge that wages should continue to be provided differently for each
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
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 as it never happens that all
workers
Use synonyms
 have exactly the same role in a
company
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, if two
workers
Use synonyms
 have different tasks and one of them is much harder than the other,
whereas
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 the financial reward is the same, the worker who does
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 difficult job may feel undervalued,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
thus
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 curtailing self-value.
Consequently
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, they might not enjoy their job satisfaction and perform poorly, negatively affecting not only the employee but
also
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 the
company
Use synonyms
 itself. In conclusion,
although
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 fair treatment is vital to
dinimish
Correct your spelling
diminish
 cases of
descrimination
Correct your spelling
discrimination
 and
death
Correct article usage
the death
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 of overworking,
workers
Use synonyms
 should be
differenciated
Correct your spelling
differentiated
 through their wages to be appreciated
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 work.
Submitted by lisa_smile_2 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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