IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the government should give financial support to artists such as musicians, painters and poets. Others think that it is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, literature and art have started to
become
Verb problem
apply
show examples
disappeared
Wrong verb form
disappear
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 into the shadow of struggle in personal life.
Therefore
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, some would think that the
government
Use synonyms
 should
support
Use synonyms
this
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 artist financially.
Whereas
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, others believe that money should be invested somewhere else
instead
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 in talented
artists
Use synonyms
.
To begin
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 with, development in art industries and new
up comers
Correct your spelling
upcomers
 with the latest trends in the community
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 caused every field of
this
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 industry.
However
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, specifically providing financial
support
Use synonyms
 would not
consider
Wrong verb form
be considered
show examples
 a distinguishing approach by the
government
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.
For example
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, there are numerous
artists
Use synonyms
 out here who weren’t able to portray their attention to the public, which created a downfall in their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
In addition
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, the lawmakers can’t put resilience, whether they specially allocate budget for them.
Due to
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 these concerns ,somewhere I should have to put my perspective on individuals who think that it could be a waste of money. Even though, encouraging civil service members would be the preferable option in comparison to these
artists
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, the
government
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 would rather offer several opportunities to independent and talented
artists
Use synonyms
 who are actually in need of
support
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.
As a result
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, skilful painters with great art skills and knowledge will not only get financial need but
also
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 employment to teach the upcoming generation.
For instance
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, a collar with a private organisation or the state
government
Use synonyms
 is significant in a career. Which will directly oppose them to wider occasions to showcase their artwork.
Furthermore
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, poets with god-gifted natural ability in writing quotes can
also
Linking Words
 switch to online platforms without being dependent on someone.
To sum up
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, many
artists
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has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to struggle into their first phase in life, but they should not
be relied
Wrong verb form
rely
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 on anyone or have
exception
Fix the agreement mistake
exceptions
show examples
 from the
government
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
support
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, talented people can accomplish anything,
whereas
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 brilliant painters and musicians can
also
Linking Words
 make money through freelance work.

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introduction conclusion present
The introduction could be clearer in setting the stage for the discussion. Consider formulating a concise thesis statement that clearly outlines the main points you will discuss.
clear comprehensive ideas
Some arguments lack depth and development. Work on expanding ideas further to present a comprehensive response.
relevant specific examples
Ensure that your examples are more specific and clearly connect to the arguments you are making to strengthen your points.
complete response
The essay provides an introduction to both perspectives of the argument, showing an understanding of the task.
logical structure
You've made an attempt to logically present arguments from both sides of the debate, which helps in maintaining a certain level of coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Government funding
  • Cultural preservation
  • Economic development
  • Financial stability
  • Nurture talent
  • Innovation
  • Diverts resources
  • Critical services
  • Art market
  • Personal merit
  • Mediocrity
  • Dependency
  • Patrons
  • Sponsorship
  • Private funding
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