Some people think that the government should give financial support to artists such as musicians, painters and poets. Others think that it is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, literature and art have started to
become
Verb problem
apply
show examples
disappeared
Wrong verb form
disappear
show examples
into the shadow of struggle in personal life.
Therefore
, some would think that the
government
should
support
this
artist financially.
Whereas
, others believe that money should be invested somewhere else
instead
in talented
artists
.
To begin
with, development in art industries and new
up comers
Correct your spelling
upcomers
with the latest trends in the community
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
caused every field of
this
industry.
However
, specifically providing financial
support
would not
consider
Wrong verb form
be considered
show examples
a distinguishing approach by the
government
.
For example
, there are numerous
artists
out here who weren’t able to portray their attention to the public, which created a downfall in their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
In addition
, the lawmakers can’t put resilience, whether they specially allocate budget for them.
Due to
these concerns ,somewhere I should have to put my perspective on individuals who think that it could be a waste of money. Even though, encouraging civil service members would be the preferable option in comparison to these
artists
.
On the other hand
, the
government
would rather offer several opportunities to independent and talented
artists
who are actually in need of
support
.
As a result
, skilful painters with great art skills and knowledge will not only get financial need but
also
employment to teach the upcoming generation.
For instance
, a collar with a private organisation or the state
government
is significant in a career. Which will directly oppose them to wider occasions to showcase their artwork.
Furthermore
, poets with god-gifted natural ability in writing quotes can
also
switch to online platforms without being dependent on someone.
To sum up
, many
artists
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
to struggle into their first phase in life, but they should not
be relied
Wrong verb form
rely
show examples
on anyone or have
exception
Fix the agreement mistake
exceptions
show examples
from the
government
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
support
. In my opinion, talented people can accomplish anything,
whereas
brilliant painters and musicians can
also
make money through freelance work.
Submitted by user349953 on

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introduction conclusion present
The introduction could be clearer in setting the stage for the discussion. Consider formulating a concise thesis statement that clearly outlines the main points you will discuss.
clear comprehensive ideas
Some arguments lack depth and development. Work on expanding ideas further to present a comprehensive response.
relevant specific examples
Ensure that your examples are more specific and clearly connect to the arguments you are making to strengthen your points.
complete response
The essay provides an introduction to both perspectives of the argument, showing an understanding of the task.
logical structure
You've made an attempt to logically present arguments from both sides of the debate, which helps in maintaining a certain level of coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Government funding
  • Cultural preservation
  • Economic development
  • Financial stability
  • Nurture talent
  • Innovation
  • Diverts resources
  • Critical services
  • Art market
  • Personal merit
  • Mediocrity
  • Dependency
  • Patrons
  • Sponsorship
  • Private funding
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