IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 9

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart illustrates the four locations namely the zoo, library, theatre, and cinema visited by different people who are citizens of Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, the graph zig-zagged for all categories. The cinema is the most popular place compared to other locations and reached a peak of 70%.
Additionally
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, the minimum proportion of cinema visitors by new migrants born in other
countries
Use synonyms
 sat at 50%. Meanwhile, the theatre has the lowest number of callers in the whole diagram, having a peak at 25% by incomers who were born in English
countries
Use synonyms
. Another accommodation is a library which approaches the zenith of 55% of new migrants born in foreign
countries
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
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, the difference between people who speak English and speak another language is almost 4%.
Lastly
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, the highest percentage of the zoo sits at 50 per cent of new migrants born in English-speaking
countries
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, the lowest point belongs to new citizens of Australia who speak foreign languages.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words countries with synonyms.
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