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Band 3.5

The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#priority #businesses #money #responsibilities
It is argued that the most crucial aspect of enterprises is making
profit
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a profit
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 and need not understand social
responsibilities
.
While
 I accept that
this
 perception is somewhat justifiable, I believe that businesses should
also
 need to take
responsibilities
 seriously. On the one hand, businesses
do
Correct pronoun usage
that do
show examples
 not take
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
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 can lead to poor quality of employees. Nowadays, employers tend to hire staff that has high
responsibilities
 in their job and society.
Moreover
, those who are working socially
responsible
Change the word
responsibly
show examples
 could have a higher chance
for
Change preposition
of
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 promotion. Taking Vingroup as an example, they spent huge
amount
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amounts
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 of money
to
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on
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 charity every year.
This
 attracted numerous
of
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apply
show examples
labours. The main reason
behing
Correct your spelling
behind
being
 their choice to work for these
companies
 is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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their conscientiousness.
On the other hand
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
irresponsibility could affect the company's image
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. Many investors are willing to cooperate with
companies
 that have good
reputation
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reputations
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. FPT cooperation is a prime example, which usually raises money for charity,
Correct word choice
and give
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give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 scholarships to pupils.
As a result
, they are well-known across the country. Taking everything into account,
companies
 should
also
 understand to take social
responsibilities
 seriously
while
also
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 economics.
Hence
,
this
 essay has demonstrated clear points to disagree
companies
Change preposition
with companies
show examples
 that do not pay much attention to
responibilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • profit maximization
  • economic development
  • Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR)
  • shareholders
  • moral obligation
  • reputation
  • customer loyalty
  • sustainable business models
  • accountability
  • ethical practices
  • regulations
  • consumer expectations
  • economic sustainability
  • stakeholders
  • social impact
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