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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In
morden
Correct your spelling
modern
society
Use synonyms
, we are getting more economic development day by day. Everyone has many vital roles and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
accountability. Many
peple
Correct your spelling
people
 claim that the target of
entrepreneur
Fix the agreement mistake
entrepreneurs
show examples
 is
rasing
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
 money without
have
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having
show examples
 social liability. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with that argument.
Body · 1
Frist
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First
show examples
 and foremost, everyone has crucial roles in
society
Use synonyms
, and
develop
Correct subject-verb agreement
develops
show examples
 the economy
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their country.
Body · 2
there are a lot of
injustice
Fix the agreement mistake
injustices
show examples
 up to now, some
people
Use synonyms
 do not have enough money to purchase clothes, food or education. Many
jim-dandy
Capitalize word
Jim-Dandy
show examples
 students do not gain
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to go to school or
unniversity
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university
.
Body · 3
therefore
Linking Words
,
businessmens
Correct your spelling
businessmen
businesses
 have to
in
Add a missing verb
be in
show examples
 charge of
change
Wrong verb form
changing
show examples
 our country,
world
Correct word choice
and world
show examples
. Thanks to perceive of other
people
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entrepreneur
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 easier to make
money
Correct quantifier usage
more money
show examples
 and they should give their sympathetic anticipation to unlucky
people
Use synonyms
.
Body · 4
According to
Linking Words
 the development of every field,
people
Use synonyms
 are running to modern technology,
Correct word choice
and equipments
show examples
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
.
Body · 5
The world demand
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
changes
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, the businessmen will be the leader of
technology
Add an article
the technology
a technology
show examples
 world
thus
Linking Words
 they have to work hard
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 develop
society
Use synonyms
. If
entrepreneur
Fix the agreement mistake
entrepreneurs
show examples
 did not exist,
society
Use synonyms
 will become
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 period of poverty. They have
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 position in
ourlife
Correct your spelling
our life
your life
, the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 use their
icome
Correct your spelling
income
 tax, their
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 tax to build
skycraper
Correct your spelling
skyscrapers
skyscraper
,
tower
Correct word choice
and tower
show examples
 and develop
people
Use synonyms
's quality of
life
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, many
reputation
Change to a plural noun
reputations
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as Bill Gates or Steve
Job
Fix the agreement mistake
Jobs
show examples
 contributed to many poor
life
Use synonyms
 of other
people
Use synonyms
 in Africa and they help their country develop sharply.
Conclusion
In conclusion, every
people
Use synonyms
 has vital
roles
Fix the agreement mistake
role
show examples
 to make our
life
Use synonyms
 getting better.
Linking Words
Due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, businessmen have a lot of responsibility to complete that. They have to change and make our
life
Use synonyms
greatly
Change the word
great
show examples
. We must respect their merit and make an attempt to like them.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • profit maximization
  • economic development
  • Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR)
  • shareholders
  • moral obligation
  • reputation
  • customer loyalty
  • sustainable business models
  • accountability
  • ethical practices
  • regulations
  • consumer expectations
  • economic sustainability
  • stakeholders
  • social impact
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