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Band 4.5

The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#priority #businesses #money #responsibilities
In
morden
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modern
society
, we are getting more economic development day by day. Everyone has many vital roles and
their
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apply
show examples
accountability. Many
peple
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people
 claim that the target of
entrepreneur
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entrepreneurs
show examples
 is
rasing
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raising
show examples
 money without
have
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having
show examples
 social liability. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with that argument.
Frist
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First
show examples
 and foremost, everyone has crucial roles in
society
, and
develop
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develops
show examples
 the economy
in
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of
show examples
 their country. there are a lot of
injustice
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injustices
show examples
 up to now, some
people
 do not have enough money to purchase clothes, food or education. Many
jim-dandy
Capitalize word
Jim-Dandy
show examples
 students do not gain
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to go to school or
unniversity
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university
.
therefore
,
businessmens
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businessmen
businesses
 have to
in
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be in
show examples
 charge of
change
Wrong verb form
changing
show examples
 our country,
world
Correct word choice
and world
show examples
. Thanks to perceive of other
people
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entrepreneur
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 easier to make
money
Correct quantifier usage
more money
show examples
 and they should give their sympathetic anticipation to unlucky
people
.
According to
 the development of every field,
people
 are running to modern technology,
Correct word choice
and equipments
show examples
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
. The world demand
for
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
changes
everyday
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every day
show examples
, the businessmen will be the leader of
technology
Add an article
the technology
a technology
show examples
 world
thus
 they have to work hard
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 develop
society
. If
entrepreneur
Fix the agreement mistake
entrepreneurs
show examples
 did not exist,
society
 will become
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 period of poverty. They have
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 position in
ourlife
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our life
your life
, the
goverment
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government
 use their
icome
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income
 tax, their
bussiness
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business
 tax to build
skycraper
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skyscrapers
skyscraper
,
tower
Correct word choice
and tower
show examples
 and develop
people
's quality of
life
.
For instance
, many
reputation
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reputations
show examples
such
 as Bill Gates or Steve
Job
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Jobs
show examples
 contributed to many poor
life
 of other
people
 in Africa and they help their country develop sharply. In conclusion, every
people
 has vital
roles
Fix the agreement mistake
role
show examples
 to make our
life
 getting better.
Due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, businessmen have a lot of responsibility to complete that. They have to change and make our
life
greatly
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great
show examples
. We must respect their merit and make an attempt to like them.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • profit maximization
  • economic development
  • Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR)
  • shareholders
  • moral obligation
  • reputation
  • customer loyalty
  • sustainable business models
  • accountability
  • ethical practices
  • regulations
  • consumer expectations
  • economic sustainability
  • stakeholders
  • social impact
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