The top priority of business is making money, and they do not need to have social respondsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#priority #business #money #respondsibilities

The high class of businesspeople is generating profits, and they do not have to deal with public

respondsibilities

Correct your spelling

responsibilities

While

I accept

this

justification, I believe that they should

also

have

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

respondsibilities

Correct your spelling

responsibilities

Change preposition

for

show examples

social problems On the one hand, the idea of corporations should maximize their profits by expanding the business all over the

world

sounds pretty good. First of all,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

global economics would have an enormous increase and it means that there would be more

competitive

Replace the word

competition

show examples

between firms, more

competitive

Replace the word

competition

show examples

means that the race in

Add an article

the economical

show examples

economical

Replace the word

economic

show examples

side would be

Change preposition

in a

show examples

loop to make more money in the

world

Furthermore

, spreading the business all over the

world

would decrease the unemployment rate and it would certainly

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

benefit

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

poorer countries all around the

world

as it

also

means that the economics in those countries could be changed.

On the other hand

, despite all of those reasons for the

world

's economics, if we consider

this

matter in a different view, we could see that

this

would give us more problems to solve. The environment is a perfect example

for

Change preposition

show examples

this

. In spite of the ozone layers

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

being destroyed by the greenhouse effect which was caused by gases

such

as carbon monoxide and carbon dioxide and yet very few of them seem to care. To make matters worse, they would cut out the expense to make some factories become more

ecofriendly

Correct your spelling

eco-friendly

show examples

Additionally

, so few of them would really donate to charity as if they don't really care or they just don't like spending the money they think

that is

stupid. I do agree that there are other methods of donation, but to help

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

countries that

Add a missing verb

are in

show examples

famine

high

Change preposition

with high

show examples

homelessness

rate

Fix the agreement mistake

rates

show examples

, money is essential. In conclusion,

while

it is irrefutable that to prioritize the global economical benefits, I would contend that the top priority in the business class should bear the

respondsibilities

Correct your spelling

responsibilities

of social problems that the

world

is still dealing with.

Submitted by [email protected] on Mon Jul 24 2023

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

323 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The top priority of business is making money, and they do not need to have social respondsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

More and more people relying on private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problem overreliances on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution

Some people thinks computer games have negative impacts on children.To what extent do you agreee or disagree ?

More and more people want to buy clothes, cars and other items from famous brands. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

In order to reduce crime, we need to attack the cause of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities. It’s not enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people into prison. Do you agree or disagree?