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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The top priority of business is making money, and they do not need to have social respondsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#priority #business #money #respondsibilities
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The high class of businesspeople is generating profits, and they do not have to deal with public
respondsibilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
.
While
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 I accept
this
Linking Words
 justification, I believe that they should
also
Linking Words
 have
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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respondsibilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
in
Change preposition
for
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 social problems On the one hand, the idea of corporations should maximize their profits by expanding the business all over the
world
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 sounds pretty good. First of all,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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global economics would have an enormous increase and it means that there would be more
competitive
Replace the word
competition
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 between firms, more
competitive
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competition
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 means that the race in
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the economical
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economical
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economic
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 side would be
a
Change preposition
in a
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loop to make more money in the
world
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.
Furthermore
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, spreading the business all over the
world
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 would decrease the unemployment rate and it would certainly
a
Correct article usage
apply
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benefit
for
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apply
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poorer countries all around the
world
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 as it
also
Linking Words
 means that the economics in those countries could be changed.
On the other hand
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, despite all of those reasons for the
world
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's economics, if we consider
this
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 matter in a different view, we could see that
this
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 would give us more problems to solve. The environment is a perfect example
for
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of
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this
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. In spite of the ozone layers
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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being destroyed by the greenhouse effect which was caused by gases
such
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 as carbon monoxide and carbon dioxide and yet very few of them seem to care. To make matters worse, they would cut out the expense to make some factories become more
ecofriendly
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eco-friendly
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.
Additionally
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, so few of them would really donate to charity as if they don't really care or they just don't like spending the money they think
that is
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 stupid. I do agree that there are other methods of donation, but to help
the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries that
in
Add a missing verb
are in
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 famine
high
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with high
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 homelessness
rate
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rates
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, money is essential. In conclusion,
while
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 it is irrefutable that to prioritize the global economical benefits, I would contend that the top priority in the business class should bear the
respondsibilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 of social problems that the
world
Use synonyms
 is still dealing with.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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