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The top priority of businessess is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#priority #businessess #money #responsibilities
There is a controversy about enterprises' value
generate
Wrong verb form
generating
show examples
 profits above social responsibilities. In
this
 essay, I strongly disagree with the priority of companies without the duty of public responsibilities. On the one hand, The distribution of money causes these firms to have unphilanthropic actions, which means the corporation will have some effects on the environment, either citizens' lives. Delving into the problem, a strong lucrative field comes with a numerous number of companies, which means each individual
businesses
Fix the agreement mistake
business
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 will establish more branches in order to maximize their income.
Due to
this
, the lack of space and trees will happen to be a sequence of disasters,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can
referred
Change the verb form
be referred
refer
show examples
 to as flood or soil erosion.
For instance
, a company
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 charge of
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
 will create more opportunities to strengthen their profits by establishing more branches, especially in cities. Trees will be cut off and the frequency of calamity will occur more than usual.
On the other hand
, job opportunities will be narrowed
due to
 the limited range of work. If a company create more branches to solidify
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 revenue, none of the other firms will be able to expand their job offers, which means citizens or workers can only participate in a limited variety of work.
As a result
, the lucrative field of that company will not have the best consequence
due to
 the lack of staff and their limited range of work. In conclusion, money is not the priority of everything and social
repsonsibilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 are needed for each
participants
Change to a singular noun
participant
show examples
, none of these corporations should prioritize the importance of cash.
Hence
,
this
 essay has given
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
 to clarify the opinion.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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