IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

many people fail to achieve a balance between work and the other parts of life. What causes the situation? how to overcome this problem?

#people #balance #work #parts #life #situation
In the modern era,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals are trying to keep a balance between
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 personal and professional life but,
most
Correct word choice
but most
show examples
 of them can not maintain it.
This
 essay will investigate the possible reasons and provide the solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 issue followed by a conclusion. There are numerous factors causing
imbalance
Add an article
an imbalance
show examples
 between
work
 and personal life. First and foremost, finance is the major reason. People want to earn
handsome
Correct article usage
a handsome
show examples
 amount of money from their job so that, they can make their life luxurious.
Hence
, they
work
 longer hours leading to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of personal
time
.
Secondly
, some individuals do not have
extensive
Add an article
an extensive
show examples
 social circle.
As a result
, they feel
loneliness
Replace the word
lonely
show examples
 and choose
work
 as an option to spend their leisure
time
.
Therefore
, they become addicted to working and spending most of their
time
 at
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
 rather than enjoying it with friends or family.
Nevertheless
,
this
 issue can be solved by following various methods. For those people, who want to keep pace with all the luxury of the world, they can search for more job opportunities with better packages.
Thus
, they will not
work
 for extra hours when they are earning the same amount in
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
 period. By doing
this
, they can utilize the saved
time
 for personal activities like gym, family, and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
hobbies. Another method is to be more socialized. When a person has more friends, he does not feel alone and wants to enjoy with them.
Consequently
, always thinks about managing the
time
 for friends and
work
.
To conclude
, no doubt
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 people in
this
 materialistic world are focusing more on money
instead
 of other sectors of their lives but still
this
 balance can be maintained by adapting to optional approaches.
Submitted by happywander9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: