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Band 6.5

Now the machine is very complex, and a lot of difficult work is automated p. Do benefits are more than drawbacks

#machine #work #p
It is undeniable that there has been great advancement in the usage of robots and
machines
 which has brought ease in our lives.
Although
this
 expansion has some repercussions, I believe that the advantages certainly outweigh them. The primary benefit of automation is that it is proven beneficial to save precious human lives. There are a plethora of dangerous industries
such
 as mining, bomb disposal and sewage cleaning, where people were being coerced to work
due to
 their financial conditions.
However
, we have an edge with
machines
 as our involvement is no longer required in these risky places.
For instance
, In Japan, the cleaning of nuclear plants is conducted by robots.
Apart from
this
, higher productivity and efficiency are
also
 enabled by reducing labour costs and errors.
This
 not only depicts the benefits that employers are procured with
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
 has been proven advantageous to consumers because they can acquire cheaper products with high quality.
Additionally
,
machines
 are used to perform monotonous duties like cleaning,washing and packing, which
further
 provides us with ample amount of time to spend with family and friends.
On the other hand
, the replacement of workers in workplaces with
machines
 has
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 to unemployment.
Therefore
, it has created
the
Correct article usage
apply
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enormous pressure on people which has caused a substantial increment in the suicide rate. A recent study,
for example
,
is illustrating
Wrong verb form
illustrates
show examples
 that the suicide rate has increased by 12% since
last
 year. To summarize, I would like to reiterate that
while
 the dependence on automation has some consequences, the advantages are far more which cannot be neglected.
Submitted by amrin.sbk3 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic and supports the main idea. This will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-presented. However, consider providing a brief overview of the main points in the conclusion to reinforce your argument.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using more sophisticated and precise words to convey your ideas effectively. This will elevate the quality of your essay.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Ensure that your sentences are grammatically accurate and varied in order to demonstrate a wide range of language skills.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • automation
  • complexity
  • difficult work
  • benefits
  • drawbacks
  • productivity
  • efficiency
  • human error
  • cost savings
  • safety improvements
  • accuracy
  • time savings
  • complex tasks
  • repetitive
  • mundane
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