Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

#say #music #art #drama #school #subjects #level

These days, people

belive

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

that music, art and drama

subjects

plays

Change the verb form

play

show examples

a vital role in

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

deployment

especially

Add the comma(s)

,especially

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

early

age

. I totally agree with that because

this

help children to develop their

talents

early

Add an article

an early

show examples

age

and can increase their confidence.

Firstly

, these

subjects

are as important as the other

subjects

because

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

develop

childre's

Correct your spelling

children's

talent at

very

Add an article

a very

show examples

tender

age

. As they are young they can

purse

Correct your spelling

pursue

show examples

anything and see in which field they wanna go and make it as a

hobbie

Correct your spelling

hobby

or as a profession. They will probably not get any time in future as they will be busy to give exams and do the other needful things for their upcoming time and generation.

For example

, most famous singers discovered their

talents

at an early

age

or rather say at school

age

by their teachers or family members and they claimed they would be never successful if these people have not

find

Change the verb form

found

show examples

out their

talents

when they were young.

Moreover

, music, art, and drama

subjects

help students to boost their confidence

level

Fix the agreement mistake

levels

show examples

That is

because these

subjects

teaches

Change the verb form

teach

show examples

student, how to perform in front of lots of people and give them a chance to overcome their

anxity

Correct your spelling

anxiety

and

hestitation

Correct your spelling

hesitation

As a result

, students can realise their potential and act more confidently. In a survey, many psychologists suggest to students that those who are fear to talk with others must join a dram class so that he/she may have enough confidence to have a word with any stranger without any hesitation. In conclusion,

this

essay completely agrees that music, art, and drama have the same value as other

subjects

because it allows

childre

Correct your spelling

children

to discover their hidden

talents

and increase their self-confidence.

Submitted by srivastav.anmol03 on Tue Jul 25 2023

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

284 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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Topic Vocabulary:

holistic development
fostering
emotional intelligence
problem-solving skills
cultural awareness
curriculum
engaging
memorable
nurture
talents
core subjects
academic
professional success

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Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

some people believe that students should learn science subjects at schools while others believe that other subjects like history is also beneficial for them discuss both views

Nowadays,The way many people interact with each other has it changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the type of relation that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development.

some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money others argue that it is better to try and improve such situation discuss both views and give your own opinion.

some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary . Do the advantages outweigh the disavantages?