The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Worldwide, pediatric obesity represents a major

health

Use synonyms

issue. Over the

last

Linking Words

decade, the percentage has increased by almost 20%, which is very concerning. When looking at the causes of

this

Linking Words

alarming

health

Use synonyms

problem in

children

Use synonyms

, there are two main reasons: diet and sedentary lifestyle.

Firstly

Linking Words

, there is a significant trend toward junk food consumption globally especially among the younger population.

Although

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

there is an increasing awareness about the

health

Use synonyms

risks imposed by fast food and soft drinks among parents, there are many families that depend to a large extent on fast food

due to

Linking Words

limited time and other responsibilities. Fruits and

vegetables

Change the noun form

vegetable

show examples

portions for

kids

Use synonyms

are more often not as recommended by

health

Use synonyms

professionals. The second main reason for weight gain among

children

Use synonyms

is the sedentary lifestyle that has been taken up by most modern families and their

kids

Use synonyms

. There is a noticeable increasing trend of watching TV and playing video games which constitute the majority of the time spent by

children

Use synonyms

in current days.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, the dramatic regression in playing sports and physical exercise among

this

Linking Words

age group is undeniable. Nowadays, it is hard to convince a child to go out to play soccer,

for example

Linking Words

, as they prefer staying home and watching TV or checking their phones. Parents, families and healthcare providers should be alarmed regarding

this

Linking Words

serious medical condition as it poses a real threat to the child's

health

Use synonyms

. Obese

children

Use synonyms

are more prone to chronic diseases like diabetes, hypertension and dyslipidemia.

Moreover

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, excess weight limits lung function which might limit daily activities in the long term.

Consequently

Linking Words

, obese

kids

Use synonyms

are more likely to skip school

due to

Linking Words

the medical conditions associated with obesity and absenteeism could affect

overall

Linking Words

school performance. In conclusion, unhealthy diet and poor physical activity are closely associated with

Change noun form

children's

show examples

children

Use synonyms

obesity and actions should be taken by the government and public

health

Use synonyms

organizations to promote healthy diet and exercise in

kids

Use synonyms

sara_ali8089

Jun 10, 2025

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coherence and cohesion

Make sure each paragraph focuses on one main point. This will improve clarity.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your points. This enhances your arguments.

coherence and cohesion

Try to vary your sentence structure to make your writing more engaging.

task achievement

The introduction is clear and sets the stage for the discussion.

task achievement

You addressed both causes and effects effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

6 paragraphs

318 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

overweight
obesity
caloric intake
sedentary lifestyle
screen time
physical education
nutritious
psychological well-being
self-esteem
socioeconomic
healthcare system
life expectancy
obesity-related complications

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The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It is the responsibility of individuals to save and provide for their own retirement. Governments have no obligation to provide this benefit. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think young people should follow the tradition of the society. Others think that they should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe government should spend money on building train and subway lines to reduce traffic congestion. Others think that building more and wider roads is the better way to reduce traffic congestion. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement. To what extent do you think laws are required to make people recycle more of their waste?