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Writing Samples
Band 5

“Prison is the only truly effective form of punishment, because it separates criminals from society.” To what extent do you support this view?

#“prison #form #punishment #criminals #society #support
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It is true that the most common way to punish those committing mistakes is to transfer them to jail as they can be differentiated from the outside world.
This
 phenomenon carries not only negative but
also
 positive consequences.
Therefore
,
this
 essay will discuss both perspectives. On the one hand, there are some drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the mentioned trend.
Initially
, prison can be a barrier for
people
 to reconnect with society. There are many individuals coming out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 prison and want to live a normal life, having an ordinary job but their past makes them different from others. Citizens may not have a good impression of them, be scared and they will gradually be isolated from the community and it will be a challenge for them to live in harmony with the surroundings.
Moreover
, in some situations, offenders may have the thought of opposing when being trapped.
As a result
, it will take them a long time to turn to a good person and they may reoffend when going out because of their unstable mental.
On the other hand
, despite
such
 grave issues, there are some optimistic effects.
To begin
 with, the jail can teach criminals plenty of things. Prisoners can engage themselves in many
occupation
Replace the word
occupational
show examples
 training classes which can help them to find
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
suitable job to earn a living. Plus, many moral lessons teaching how to become a citizen with
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 personality are
also
 organized.
Consequently
, lawbreakers will realize, have deep thought about their mistakes and convert into kind residents serving the community.
For example
, my
neighbor
Change the spelling
neighbour
show examples
 used to spend an amount of time living in jail. After being released, he became a tutor teaching for homeless children.
Furthermore
, keeping
people
 who commit crimes out of the world can save themselves and
Correct article usage
the inhabitant
show examples
inhabitant
Fix the agreement mistake
inhabitants
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 that place.
This
 activity can prevent them from
endangered
Wrong verb form
endangering
show examples
 the surrounding world, which
protecting
Change the form of the verb
protects
show examples
 them from mental and physical injury and the prisoners will not mislead
their
Change preposition
by their
show examples
 patterns. In conclusion,
while
 the detrimental effects
such
 as criminals can be quarantined from society and having harmful mental health, the uptrend outcomes, namely protecting
people
 and conveying offenders into good
people
 can balance the negative.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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