Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Undoubtedly, the advancement of technology around the globe has become a phenomenon
to put
Change preposition
of putting
show examples
reliance on ourselves, rather than
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
on someone else.
Whereas
some individual's belief of the modern world is putting us in conditional others.
This
essay will examine both of the prospects of
this
argument.
To begin
with, the current generation has evolved into the modern phase, and so enhancement in smart devices is doing the majority of the work.
However
, in comparison to the previous decades
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
had shown transparency, but they
also
had to rely on many factors.
For example
, basic amenities and needs
used to
Verb problem
are
show examples
share
Wrong verb form
shared
show examples
by everyone, not only
this
has created a negative effect but
also
they had to maintain their relation
too
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Therefore
, the 21st century and its labour-saving devices are ought to profound in every single human need.
Such
as, corporate employees can now share their insights and projects directly with their boss via email, which
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
made
this
field more effective and seamless.
On the other hand
, some believe to have uncertainties in the modernised world, which
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
sustain
Verb problem
caused
show examples
us to rely on someone.
For instance
, somewhere the ideology of an argument can differ in technology, yet we are
also
shrugged into the infrastructure of technological development.
In addition
, human needs have plunged into smart devices, neither we can minimise our usage nor we can replace it with similar intelligence.
As a result
, we in the present day have to depend on something or someone, even though it is not a living thing.
To sum up
, every individual has their own viewpoint and strength about how many days they survive without anyone’s help. In my opinion, a “friend in need is a friend indeed” where depending on other's needs is not a mishap in
modernise
Verb problem
the modern
show examples
globe, but having independence in every aspect is excellent.
Submitted by user349953 on

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task response
For task response, make sure to address all aspects of the prompt and provide a clear opinion. Ensure that your examples and arguments are relevant to the topic and provide a balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on the transition between ideas and paragraphs to create a more coherent structure. Start your essay with a clear introduction and end with a conclusion that summarizes your main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interdependence
  • globalization
  • technological advancements
  • collective action
  • digital evolution
  • minimal reliance
  • direct interaction
  • empowered
  • access to technology
  • societal expectations
  • personal choice
  • leverage
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