the top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. to what extent do you agree or disagree

It is said that
businesses
nowsadays
Correct your spelling
nowadays
are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
unresponsible for human life
otherwise
they pay a lot of attention to earning
money
.
However
, I totally disagree with
this
point of view because
businesses
use their
money
to ameliorate impoverished
people
's life and play an integral part
of
Change preposition
in
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a
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
development. The first reason for my disagree that
businesses
always
pays
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pay
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more
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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money
than
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
to save
people
, who live under the
porverty
Correct your spelling
poverty
line. They allocate
budget
Correct article usage
a budget
show examples
every year for charities and helping orphaned
childrent
Correct your spelling
children
to have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
to go to
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
.
Besides
,
businesses
create
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
or
caree
Correct your spelling
career
care
for unemployed
people
and places for the homeless to live. For
instant
Add an article
an instant
show examples
, newspapers daily usually post charitable works from big companies and
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
huge
money
is spent to support
improverished
Correct your spelling
impoverished
people
. The second reason that
businesses
boost the
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
econmic
Correct your spelling
economy
,
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
they contribute to
construct
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constructing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
standal
Correct your spelling
scandal
life.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • profit maximization
  • economic development
  • Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR)
  • shareholders
  • moral obligation
  • reputation
  • customer loyalty
  • sustainable business models
  • accountability
  • ethical practices
  • regulations
  • consumer expectations
  • economic sustainability
  • stakeholders
  • social impact
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