IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#priority #businesses #money #responsibilities
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It is assumed that businesses should prioritize generating
profits
Use synonyms
, and it is not necessary for them to obtain public responsibilities.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 statement is somewhat justifiable, I believe that social abilities ought to be taken seriously in every
firms
Change to a singular noun
firm
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. It should
be acknowledge
Change the verb form
be acknowledged
show examples
 that making money can bring many benefits. First and foremost, a company that has high
profits
Use synonyms
 is likely to attract potential investors.
This
Linking Words
 can easily be recognized by the fact that successful companies often have a lot of investors.
Therefore
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, the local or even national economy can experience enormous improvements. By maximizing
profits
Use synonyms
, corporations are
also
Linking Words
 able to expand their production
as well as
Linking Words
 their workforce and,
thus
Linking Words
, partly solve the problem of increasing unemployment.
However
Linking Words
, without social responsibilities, firms are unlikely to survive for a long time. Unless businesses pay attention to the consequences of their actions,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
as well as
Linking Words
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 will be heavily affected. Environmental degradation, air and water pollution are typical problems that are caused by most firms nowadays. Despite the fact that they may generate
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 amount of money in
short
Add an article
the short
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 term, their image, or reputation, will be slowly spoiled and a big loss is inevitable in the future.
Besides
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, there are alternative ways to improve
range
Correct article usage
the range
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, even better than high
profits
Use synonyms
, that do not need to affect the environment. Philanthropic actions especially volunteering will be a good example for
this
Linking Words
. In conclusion,
while
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 it is irrefutable that generating money plays a vital role in every
businesses
Change to a singular noun
business
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public responsibilities should be given high priority.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • profit maximization
  • economic development
  • Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR)
  • shareholders
  • moral obligation
  • reputation
  • customer loyalty
  • sustainable business models
  • accountability
  • ethical practices
  • regulations
  • consumer expectations
  • economic sustainability
  • stakeholders
  • social impact
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