IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that governments should invest more in public services instead of wasting money on arts such as music and painting. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #governments #services #money #arts #music
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued by some people that spending
money
Use synonyms
 on
arts
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as music or painting is a waste of
money
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 I accept that the government should invest national budgets in other services, I
also
Linking Words
 believe that
arts
Use synonyms
 play an important role in the culture of any nation,
therefore
Linking Words
, it is quite fair to allocate funds to preserve and develop
arts
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, I think that governments should spend
money
Use synonyms
 on essential sectors
such
Linking Words
 as medical services and education which bring a wide range of benefits to society. In many countries, there are thousands of people who do not have the opportunity to access basic education and healthcare services,
therefore
Linking Words
, government officials, who are elected by the public, need to be obligated to take care of their citizens by providing financial support to meet the demands of citizens in public facilities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
arts
Use synonyms
 are part of a culture and over time become the identity of a nation. It is necessary for governments to preserve cultural and traditional values and invest more
money
Use synonyms
 to develop
this
Linking Words
 potential field. There are thousands of tourists, who are attracted by masterpieces of paintings, and visit museums and galleries annually.
This
Linking Words
 contributes to boosting the tourism industry, improving local living standards and developing the national economy.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, music plays an important role in people’s mental life. It is not only a means of entertainment but
also
Linking Words
 a magnificent power to heal mental ills. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 investing
money
Use synonyms
 in other sectors is important, It is necessary for the government to provide financial assistance to enhance the quality of life and develop the tourism industry.
Submitted by nttung.182 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: