Some countries have legal ages at which people can drink. Other countries believe not have strict laws is a better policy. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

It is considered by some
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
that alcohol can be drunk in some countries in legal
ages
.
While
there are others who think countries which do not have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strict
lows
Correct your spelling
laws
show examples
is a better policy. In my opinion, I believe that legal
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
for
drink
is the best policy,
while
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
in laws is
also
essential.
In
Change preposition
On
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the one hand, many think life
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
safe because of legal for
drink
.
This
is because, when
people
are drunk, they are not on their minds, so they perform dangerous actions for their selves and the environment.
For example
, if they are drunk and drive a car they could have an accident which could be hurt for both sides.
Furthermore
, drunk
people
have nuclear vision, especially at night.
As a result
, if there
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
no legal
ages
for
drink
, it would be more dangerous and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
societies. So
allow
Wrong verb form
allowing
show examples
people
drink
Fix the infinitive
to drink
show examples
will increase
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
social pests.
On the other hand
, having
lows
Fix the agreement mistake
low
show examples
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
is a better policy. Because
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
much strict
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
law is really bad in some moments which
considered
Add a missing verb
is considered
show examples
taken
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
freedom from citizens.
For example
, when
people
depressed
Add a missing verb
are depressed
show examples
the only way to enjoy and get better is
drink
Fix the infinitive
to drink
show examples
,
while
, if
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinking
show examples
is totally prohibited they will
depress
Wrong verb form
be depressed
show examples
more. Some
people
find
drink
Wrong verb form
drinking
show examples
as
best
Add an article
the best
show examples
way to relax from
stress
Add an article
the stress
show examples
of life. To put
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
simply,
drink
Add an article
the drink
a drink
show examples
is important for some
category
Fix the agreement mistake
categories
show examples
of
people
even if they are
minor
Fix the agreement mistake
minors
show examples
, and the government can not stop the addiction or
prohibited
Wrong verb form
prohibit
show examples
drink
, because it leads to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
problems. In conclusion, having legal
ages
for
drink
and strict laws are important to have a safe environment. If the government put more
fine
Fix the agreement mistake
fines
show examples
on illegal staff,
people
would be strict enough.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas by organizing the essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences and supporting details.
task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed, and present a more precise position in the introduction.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied expressions to enhance your writing.
grammatical range
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and punctuation to improve overall grammar.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal drinking age
  • Underage drinking
  • Health repercussions
  • Addiction
  • Drunk-driving
  • Responsible drinking
  • Forbidden fruit
  • Social rituals
  • Public health
  • Safety framework
  • Risks of alcohol
  • Cultural differences
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