The top priority of bussiness is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree

It is
believing
Wrong verb form
believed
show examples
that making
money
is a
bussiness's
Correct your spelling
business's
top priority, but the social
responbilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
is
also
unnecessary. It is true that making
money
is the best promotion of the
business
work so I completely agree about that opinion
Firstly
, working or owning a
business
is the way to get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reasonable economic resources, by the
way
Add the comma(s)
,way
show examples
money
from
business
completely
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
us change our life quickly. Some
investor
Fix the agreement mistake
investors
show examples
got
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
luxury
Replace the word
luxurious
show examples
life from
run
Change the form of the verb
running
show examples
a
business
, they choose in
corporate
Add an article
the corporate
show examples
market because
business
Correct article usage
a business
show examples
is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
branch which
exemely
Correct your spelling
extremely
high
profit
Fix the agreement mistake
profits
show examples
from trading, auctioning,
hunting
Correct word choice
and hunting
show examples
in the international market. By all means, the
propose
Correct your spelling
purpose
show examples
of
businessman
Add an article
a businessman
the businessman
show examples
is the subsequent economic profits. Once you go to the marketing fields you will accept that you have all or lose it all. If you want to generate profits, you can
also
take part in operating the company
Secondly
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
if you think that
money
is the whole result of
business
Add an article
the business
a business
show examples
revolution, that's faulty. The very vital and significant aspect is public
responbilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
need to be elaborated when the companies want to prioritize the face of the
business
. It is not only the face of the firm
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
the condition for the general public to
acess
Correct your spelling
access
assess
the attitude of the existence of the corporation in the field.
Nevertheless
, the social
responbilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
simply just that raise
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
for the
underpriveged
Correct your spelling
underprivileged
or join the community
Correct your spelling
activities
acitivities
Correct your spelling
activities
, as a
conquence
Correct your spelling
consequence
that is
not the main purpose but the important aim
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
firm towards to get
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
promotion In conclusion,
maximize
Wrong verb form
maximising
show examples
profits to stem for
business
but the social
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
responbilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
are something which
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
to the success of the corporation
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • top priority
  • making money
  • social responsibilities
  • businesses
  • agree
  • counter argument
  • refutation
  • importance
  • personal opinion
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