IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourist industries.why is this the case? Is it a positive or a negative development?

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It is undeniable that tourism has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased
since
Change preposition
for
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 many years. It is generally believed that
expedition
Correct article usage
the expedition
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 of
tourist
Use synonyms
 industries can be observed in many developing nations.
Due to
Linking Words
 some
reasons
Add a comma
,reasons
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 they are improving the areas which brings some negative effects not only for
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
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 but
also
Linking Words
 for other nations. It will be explained in forthcoming paragraphs. The main reason why they expand
tourist
Use synonyms
 industries is that they make the place more attractive to take the attention of visitors. when they come to visit, fortunately, it brings economic
a
Correct article usage
apply
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growth
for
Change preposition
to
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 the
nation
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. In order to improve
economic
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the economic
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 system, a
country
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 expands its
tourist
Use synonyms
 industry.
For example
Linking Words
, a survey shows that owing to attractive
tourist
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places
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, a
country
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 is growing economically faster than
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 without these
places
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.
In addition
Linking Words
,
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country
Add an article
the country
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likely
Add a missing verb
is likely
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 to spend
money
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 to make broader a
tourist
Use synonyms
 location so that it can become famous around the world because of
this
Linking Words
.
Thus
Linking Words
, these are some reasons
Correct pronoun usage
that leads
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leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
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to
Change preposition
apply
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a
nation
Use synonyms
 to expand its
Use synonyms
tourist
Replace the word
tourism
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.
Although
Linking Words
 it makes stronger
to
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apply
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economic growth, more detrimental effects are offered
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 expedition. It is not as important to expand the
places
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 as the schools, hospitals and other facilities are. If a
nation
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 spends more
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
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tourist
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places
Use synonyms
, other important
of
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apply
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cities cannot be improved, which can result in a barrier
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
nation's
Correct article usage
the nation's
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 own growth. Expanding more to tourists has
negative
Add an article
a negative
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 impact on other necessities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of standing income in their own
nation
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, foreigners use
Use synonyms
money
Add an article
the money
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 to visit these outer
places
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, their own
country
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Add a missing verb
is
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unable to take as
benefit
Correct quantifier usage
much benefit
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 as abroad takes from their
money
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.
Hence
Linking Words
, it
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
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 badly. In conclusion, in seek of personal advantages, a
nation
Use synonyms
expand
Change the verb form
expands
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 its
tourist
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 industries
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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provides
Change the verb form
provide
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 some negative consequences. Tourism should be promoted but taking
consideration
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into consideration
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of
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apply
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all the aspects that
comes
Change the verb form
come
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 with it.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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