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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the line graph below show the income of graduates student with different age in 2002 Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the line graph below show the income of graduates student with different age in 2002 Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The supplied line graph provides information regarding 18-25 years old
students
Use synonyms
 (illustrated by
percentage
Use synonyms
)in different countries.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 Thailand's
students
Use synonyms
 led the way in the covered period by the graph. It is lucid that the number of Thai and Singaporean graduates stood at 15 and 25 per cent, respectively. In the following years,
although
Linking Words
 the ratio of Thai
students
Use synonyms
 decreased gradually ( around 22%), Singaporean
students
Use synonyms
 increased sharply and reached 30% in 1971. From 1971 to 2011, the
percentage
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 of Singaporean
students
Use synonyms
 experienced considerable fluctuations and reached 40% by the end of the period.
However
Linking Words
, Thai
students
Use synonyms
 after 1991 their
percentage
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 increased sharply and reached an all-time high of above 40% by 2001. Regarding Malaysian and Philippine
students
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of Malaysian
students
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 stood at around 3% by 1961,
it is clear that
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 bonus increased steadily and reached below 20 per cent by 2011.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
percentage
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 of
Philippian's
Change noun form
Philippian
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 remained stable from 1991 to 2011 at 15 per cent.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although, it is clear that".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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