The graph below shows the participation of Australian children in sports outside school hours in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

#participation #australian #children #sports #school #hours #summarise #information #features #comparisons

The

supllied

Correct your spelling

supplied

illustration of

bar

Correct article usage

the bar

show examples

graph demonstrates information about

attendance

Add an article

the attendance

show examples

of Australian

puple

Correct your spelling

pupils

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

clubs in their leisure time in 2014.

Overall

, it is obvious that the most popular sport among

boys

was football,

whereas

girls

were really keen on netball games. It is interesting to note that swimming was widespread for both

gender

Change to a plural noun

genders

show examples

and

thay

Correct your spelling

they

almost had no differences in

participation

Add an article

the participation

show examples

rate,

Add an article

the boys

show examples

boys

Change noun form

boys'

boy's

show examples

attendance rate was nearly 14 and

girls

Change noun form

girls'

girl's

show examples

a little more than 15.

Moreover

, it is worth considering that football being the most favoured among the

boys

and having 20 participants, was the most non-distributed for

opposite

Add an article

the opposite

show examples

gender. Netball had the same situation,

however

Add a comma

,however

show examples

it was mostly in favour of

girls

with attendants

just

Change preposition

of just

show examples

about 20 people and most disliked for

boys

with participants less than 5.

Next,

basketball was popular

bor

Correct your spelling

for

show examples

both genders on the same level with

difference

Fix the agreement mistake

differences

show examples

just for one or two people.

Furthermore

, neither

girls

for 5 students nor

boys

Change preposition

for a

show examples

little less than 5 haven't been attending

Change preposition

apply

show examples

any sports.

Submitted by amina07id on Tue Jul 25 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Introduction: The introduction is missing.

▼

Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.

▼

Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

▼

Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

169 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Participation rate
Gender-specific sports
Popular
Predominantly
Comparison
Significant
Visible difference
Participation gap
Non-gender specific sports
Out-of-school activities

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
In the past, lectures were the traditional method of teaching many students. Nowadays, new technology is increasingly being used to teach students. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this new approach?
Until few years back students were taught only in traditional class rooms where teachers would give them lectures. However, due to the increase in technology advancement, medium of teaching has transferred to online classes. I think this a boon for both students and teachers. Even though there are some demerits to this teaching method, the advantage of it outweighs the minor drawbacks which shall be elaborated in the following passages.
5
band
Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement. To what extent do you think laws are required to
It is an inevitable fact that, environment is facing numerous health Problems nowadays. However, many People assert that, every individuals Should recycle their home waste, whereas, some think it is government responsibility. Both statement will be Investigated in following Paragraph.
5
band
Some people think that children should obey and do what their parents and teachers want them to do. Others think that children controlled too much cannot deal with problems themselves in adulthood. Discuss both views and state your own opinion
Some people think that children should obey their parents and teachers, and do what they instruct children to do. Others believe that children who are controlled too much cannot deal with problems when they become adults. I personally believe that while controlling makes children disciplined for a certain time, it hinders their capabilities of making decisions in their adulthood.
7
band
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
"Nothing is impossible" is one of the famous sayings that most people could refer to in any hard situation. This is not totally wrong because , in some places, people have already been told the same thing since they were young by their parents. It does sound like good words of encouragement, however, it also has some downsides to children's way of thinking and behaviour.
6.5
band
It is becoming more and more difficult to escape the influence of the media on our lives. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in a media-rich society.
The media has become ubiquitous in our modern world, permeating every aspect of our lives and society. It is an indispensable part of contemporary culture and a powerful tool for shaping public opinion. The influence of media has grown exponentially in recent years, and its impact is felt all over the world. From newspapers and television to radio and the internet, media outlets offer us many benefits, such as disseminating information, entertainment, and updates on various promotions. However, while the advantages of media are numerous, its increasing use has also had some detrimental effects on the community.

The graph below shows the participation of Australian children in sports outside school hours in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In the past, lectures were the traditional method of teaching many students. Nowadays, new technology is increasingly being used to teach students. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this new approach?

Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement. To what extent do you think laws are required to

Some people think that children should obey and do what their parents and teachers want them to do. Others think that children controlled too much cannot deal with problems themselves in adulthood. Discuss both views and state your own opinion

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

It is becoming more and more difficult to escape the influence of the media on our lives. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in a media-rich society.